CableFlame (c4bl3fl4m3) wrote,

On Submission, Identity, and D/s not M/s

I also find myself wondering, yet again, if I really am a submissive or just someone with submissive like desires. For a little back story, I wish to be in a D/s relationship. I am not a slave, nor do I wish to have a Master. So I try to buy books on D/s and not M/s. I try to buy books that address submission and dominance. But so many of them seem to use D/s and M/s interchangeably, or they describe their own M/s or O/p (Owner/property) relationship to talk about submission. (I feel it's a bait-and-switch.) Many of the "core concepts" in these books are not things that resonate with me… they are things that I do not want, that scare me, and that would probably be damaging to me as a person, esp. considering my childhood history of abuse and manipulation, and my current struggle with pervasive mental illnesses.

So I find myself wondering… are they improperly interchanging M/s with D/s? Or is this really what submission should be about, and I'm not a "real" submissive, but someone who just wants to play one? (I feel there's nothing wrong with wanting to play at it, but considering some of the play I wish to do with it isn't in a formal BDSM scene, but is in more real life situations, and to be of more extended time than just the occasional scene…)

And if it's the case of calling M/s D/s, then where can I find a book that is TRULY about D/s and ONLY D/s? And where can I find support for D/s and D/s alone? I've found there's lots of support for M/s under the guise of the Power Exchange sub-Scene, but I need a place that's for D/s and D/s alone where I can talk to other Dominants and submissives about our way of doing things. So I can see if I really am a sub by comparing myself to the way they all do things. Where can I find the D/s scene?

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