CableFlame (c4bl3fl4m3) wrote,

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Update: Home

I was released today after a visit with the clinic's psychiatrist (if you ever have the chance to see Dr. Norman Robertson, do so. He's absolutely WONDERFUL.) Had a visit with my psychiatrist, Dr. Donesky (who's no slouch, either. I'm quite fond of him as well). Realized how truly lucky and blessed I am to have mental health professionals that have my back and empower me to make my own psychiatric decisions and to live my own life. It's just a great cycle of me feeling empowered so I make decisions that further empower me via working with people who think I should be empowered. Yay! Hooray for people in the mental health profession who believe in putting the power to make healthy choices for ourselves into the hands of the individual. I'm glad I get to run my own show, but with help and support when I need it. My body, my mind, my mental states, my choice!

Anyway, I'm home now, but I'm not out of the woods yet. Still not fully pleased with my mood, but I'm going to keep trying the drugs for a few more weeks and see how I do. At least I don't have god awful side effects... I do have some side effects, but so far, they've been reasonably manageable.

But now's the time when I need you all more than ever. Transitioning back to living at home and having to work on building a life worth living requires a lot of support, perhaps even more support than when I was in the crisis center. When I was there, I was assigned a therapist 24/7 to assist me whenever I needed assistance. It was quite the relief, not to mention quite helpful to have someone to talk to whenever I wanted, someone who I know was trained & knows what they're talking about. But now I don't have that support, and I know I'll miss it, as it's something I've always wanted anyway. So I really need the support of my friends. I need you all to check on me every now and then. I need you to invite me out to socialize with you, whether it's a party or just for a cup of tea. I need to know you're there if I need to talk or a shoulder to cry or or a hug.

I'm realizing that I can't keep operating as I did before, not trying to "burden" anyone, because it's part of what drove me to where I was. I have needs and it's time I start acknowledging them and I stop hiding them from my friends & society at large. If I don't start taking care of myself in that way, I'm going to wither again. I don't want to wither. I want to bloom. So I'm going to take care of myself in a way to promote that. But it means being honest with who I am and my needs to my friends and it might mean having to become more distant from people who can't accept me for who I am, for the mental illnesses I have, and for my needs.

So... yeah. That's where I am right now and where I'm going in the future. Come with me? Be my friend?

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Tags: mental illness
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