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The suckage is having to leave morningboon. Which was obvious suckage.

The awesome, however, is flying Porter Airlines. No hassles, a 2 min. ferry ride, VERY friendly staff, no waiting, a large lounge with complimentary beverages and snacks and a great coffee machine, free wifi, and even some Macs set up around with free Internet... and they're not set up special to block you out of using programs and stuff. In fact, I'm looking out at the airstrip now, writing at you on a Mac. All in all, I feel pampered... glad to be here instead of having to suffer the indignities of air travel along with my mourning of leaving morningboon.

I'm heading to Newark (EWR), and then heading to TESFest. Apparently I'm speaking on a panel of sex bloggers. I don't think of myself as a sex blogger, but I do write about sex, BDSM and gender in my diary here. (I'm realizing I haven't written about it in a while. I'm going to have to remedy that.) And it's technically a blog. I'm actually kinda excited about my volunteer shifts. I'm doing the panel, I'm taking care of the People of Size Swim, and I'm DMing for 4 hours.

I'm lucky that I'm going to a con after leaving morningboon. It's a lot better than me just going home to be alone and lonely. I'm going to spend days with my friends, doing something I love, and that's good.

So yes... I'll see you all at TESFest. If you see me, say hi! Hugs and snuggles are always good too.

It's raining right now, but it's soothing to me instead of depressing me. The sound of the water from the rain dripping out of the gutters and into the maintenance area outside my bedroom window, the occasional flash of lightning or the crash of not-too-close-but-not-too-distant thunder... it's quite nice, really. (BTW, note the mood on the post. Isn't that a nice mood to feel?)

I just watched an episode of Star Trek: Voyager (The Disease, to be exact) that dealt with new love and loss as a co-plot. The way that Harry Kim and Derran Tal felt about each other... I see a lot of morningboon and I in that. The episode made me feel lovesick, but in a nice way. I have to admit, I put our last names with Starfleet ranks... they sound good that way. I gave him Lieutenant, I took Ensign for myself. I bet he'd look absolutely dashing in a jumpsuit. I haven't decided whether to give him red, yellow, or blue green. I suppose yellow would be fitting, but I think I'd be a blue green.

I leave for Toronto on Sunday. Still so much to do, but I'm more worried about spending so much time up there. I had my last DO Happy Hour before I go tonight. Luckily, T. and A. were there. I love those 2 so much and I hadn't gotten to see them since before I left for the last time. I'm going to miss my friends terribly. I hope I make some new friends up in the Great (Not So) White North soon.

morningboon + me at the Spacing release party last week. Picture taken by the awesome Rannie Turrigan. (Click on the pic for the Flickr page for it where you can get various sizes of it.)

Lush is awesome.

Giving an incredibly tense someone a full body massage using almost a whole Mange Too Massage Bar is really awesome.

Taking what's left, slipperying up yourself, and then rubbing against each other until in a state of utter bliss and giggly happiness is one of the best damn things on the entire planet.

And then having slow, teasing, intimate, sensual lovemaking? Oh god. No. Fucking. WORDS.

YEAAAAAH.



Have I mentioned I love this country? And this city. And morningboon's pretty freaking awesome, too. :-)

Let's see here.

Rose just left for Raleigh, NC, because he didn't have a job or a place to stay here. He crashed with me for 10 days, but it really wasn't feasible for him to stay here with me more than that. (So I'm still a little weepy... be nice to me today.)

I'm looking at cheapass busses from DC to Raleigh. I haven't been able to find any yet (GoToBus USED to do that route, but not anymore. Now they're just NYC-Raleigh.) but am curious if anyone else knows of any. I'm also willing to go DC-Richmond-Raleigh. I've found some DC-Richmond lines but am still looking for Richmond-Raleigh.

Ended up at the Crucible on Saturday. Ended up playing with dystonic (who looked fabulous in her pretty magenta dress), niyamas, and Dr. Extreme. This wasn't a planned out thing... it started with me showing Dr. Extreme a decent way to tye up Dyst's wrists with the ribbon from her dress, and ended up with a bunch of us hitting her with just about everything in Niy's toybag made for hitting (and more than a few things that weren't meant for it. Ever hit someone with one of those BR travel coffee mugs? I have now. :-D) Niy did fun things with her and knives. I have to admit, I was jealous. I wish it was me he was doing those things to. She was a lucky girl on Sat. night. And apparently she's still sore now. I guess that meant we did good. :-)

OH! And Dyst and I gave Dr. Extreme his first needle scene. I did the piercing, she did the stroking of his head and basically talking him through it and all that jazz. It went well until the very end when his body & psyche quite suddenly had had more than enough "trauma" before we could get the needles out and we had to get them out quickly and talk him down a bit, but considering that he added needles to his FetLife profile as something he's into, I think it all worked out ok. :-)

As for events coming up...

Let's see... I still have those tickets to NYC and I'd go if I had a place to stay. Can any of you put up just me for a week? It's the 4th through the 10th. Please? I can contribute some money towards groceries at the end of the trip.

The 3rd is my WMATA RAC meeting. Yay for getting to geek out over transit!

The 13th is the AB/DL Munch (I'm looking forward to seeing symelion again) and the Radical Faeries Yule (@ PeggyLee's house! Yay! I miss him and his partner.)

The weekend after that is Bethlehem with Mom. Also very much looking forward to that.

For Christmas, I'm having a small, select group of people over for a Misfit's Christmas. If you don't have anywhere to go on Christmas (or if going home to your family sucks), let me know, and I'll see what I can do. There will be turkey and Christmas dinner. And maybe we'll even do "Jewish Christmas" that night. (Yay for Chinese and a movie!)

The 27th is my Annual Holiday Party. I've invited hella people this year... I hope I have enough room in my house for everyone. (It's a small apartment.) If you wanna come, check out the following URL: http://www.evite.com/app/publicUrl/TLDBDICTKHERNTKEAWWB/5thAnnualHolidayParty

I couldn't afford a real Christmas tree this year, so I have a fake one I borrowed. At least I don't have the fiasco of putting it in the stand this year. Or putting lights in it. I still have to put the lights up around the door, though. (Anyone wanna come over and help me trim the tree?)

faceless_wonder tried to get me Shmoocon tickets today, but couldn't get through. But then again, apparently one of their servers crashed hard under the load, so they may do another intermediate sale sometime this month. (If anyone knows when this is going to be, please alert me or faceless_wonder immediately.) It's so nice of her to try to get me into Shmoocon.

(Why the icon? Because I felt like it, that's why.)

I suppose I should update.

( What I did )

( What I'm going to do )

( Costume Ideas? )

( Computer Problems )

So that's what's going on in my life.

WinterRose and I are still broken up. It's probably the best thing that could have happened to us, although things are still far from perfect. (God, he seems to have an uncanny knack for pissing me off. Most of the time, I'm pretty sure he's not even trying.)

Moby the goldfish got stuck in the little barrel thing they had to hide inside (or hide behind now that they're too big to go inside). I had to let 'em out by hand. I hope Moby stays well, although I won't be surprised if the messed up spot where 'e got stuck gets infected and he dies.

LJs WYSIWYG editor needs to suck less (and not try to use div tags for stuff like centering if the CSS of the journal pages and LJ cuts is going to fuck it up. There's none of these problems with the good ol' fashioned formatting tags of center and bold and the like.) (There's a reason that I just use the HTML editor and type it all by hand, but WinterRose will have none of that. [See, an example of pissing me off.])

May be going to Williasmburg with my Mom on Thursday. I'm definitely going to Rose's place on Wednesday to get the rest of Scrubs and to give him a picnic and do things with him. Pray that we don't fight or kill each other.

Moby's floating at the top. Not belly up, but I'm still worried.

Oh, and did I mention the power supply died in Olympia? At least, I think it's the power supply. Have been too lazy to replace it.

And I just got a surprise phone call from the ever lovely overlord_mordax. Which was wonderful and groovy and just 20 types of terrific. Hooray for Dear Girls! :-)

And now off to catch what's left of Family Guy.

I still need a gender icon.

Oh, and I'm sick as a dog right now. God, it fucking sucks.


Oh, and wanna see pics of winterroseasfr and me? Here...
( ZOMG PICS INSIDE )

Let's see here...

I'm spending the night (maybe 2) at my house while winterroseasfr does his solitude thing at his house. It's our first time apart since we met and I was scared about it, but less than 5 minutes in to it, I started looking around and being psyched... so much to CLEAN! So much to DO! So right now the tub and the toilet are soaking in cleaner.

I seem to be coming down with something. My throat hurts and my nose is all stuffed up. I don't think the dust in this house is helping... I should dust, too. Rose is allergic to dust and doesn't like spending time at my place because of it.

Speaking of Rose and I... I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but we've decided to become partnered in SecondLife. Since rob_t_firefly is officially clergy in First Life via his coven, and is offically a SecondLife geek like us (find him as Rob Triskaidekaphobia), and also is officially cool in doing a ceremony of celebration of love and intention to follow that love, a ceremony that doesn't imply gender or monogamy or even species (as Rose is a Gynoid Mechanical or Doll in SL, as well as a Time Lord/Lady and a Type 102 TARDIS as well)... anyway, since Rob is AWESOMESAUCE like that, we're having Rob do a ceremony for us, a non-SL official one, but meaningful to us just the same (imagine it to be like a church wedding for a gay couple that isn't official for the state, but official for the church). We were going to make the ceremony a private thing, as Rose didn't want to invite any of hir SL friends, but if you really wanna be there, let me know and you're welcome to come, as zie doesn't mind if my friends come. Anyway, I decided to get the official portion over with, having proposed to r last night (yes, r is the pronoun of choice for WinterRose in SL... r meaning robot) via the SL system... and r accepted. So we're now partnered by the "state" in SL.

And now I go get my Throat Coat tea.

Bad News: Couldn't find a place for winterroseasfr to stay, so we're not going up to NYC. I will come up eventually though.

Good News: He has a place to stay here in DC while he looks for a job and a more permanent home. WiseGuy was kind enough to put him up. Which means he's definitely moving here.

We're going to winterroseasfr's home in North Carolina in a few days for about a week or so while he gets everything all sorted out there. I'm kinda looking forward to it, as we'll be seeing his friend Ru'etha again too, and, well, she's kinda hot. :-D

Hi everyone!

I'm still alive. winterroseasfr is still here. I'm letting him sleep an extra hour as he was desperately tired when I woke him up this morning.

Things are getting more complicated here in Blissland, but we've been doing the important talking and working through the logistical issues. It's NICE to be able to be this openly honest and to talk about the things on our minds.

We still don't have our tickets to NYC because I STILL haven't found a place for him to stay. Neither rob_t_firefly nor nyghtowl have been able to come through for us, which is ok, I suppose. As much as I'm loathe to do it, I do hope that miscreeds will put both of us up. Because I'm running out of ideas for places for him to stay for free. (I wish I had a better couchsurfing.com reputation (right now I have none), because if I did, it would make finding a free couch a lot easier.) Anyway, I know how miscreeds can be a little, oh, I suppose jealous would be the honest word here, when I bring up wanting to bring a lover along, because I know how much he still likes me, but... *shrug*.

I'm honestly not sure if I'm going if I can't find a place for winterroseasfr to stay.

Let's see here. We went up to my parents' house earlier this week. Tuesday evening through Friday afternoon. We took it easy, had fun with hypnotic trance, made some nice love, RPed various roles with each other, oh, and we went up to Kings Gap, which was gorgeous as always. Did more thrift store shopping. I got some KILLER red "leather" pants.

Saw niyamas on Friday. Wherein I considerably freaked out over the poly thing, even though neither of them were freaking out... they were both very very cool with each other over it. Niy & I had dinner and a drink, and then we went back to my place, where winterroseasfr + Niy did various things to me like putting me into hypnotic trance, or tying me up with rope, or just simply snuggling with me while we talked. It was nice, but very scary. My heart isn't used to being able to just let go and be poly, as strange as that may sound.

Today is Tourist Day for us. I'm going to mass at the National Shrine to the Immaculate Conception at noon. He's interested in the mosaics and the architecture, so he'll look around while I do my mass thing. It'll give us both some good down time. Then we're going downtown. I'm assuming we'll end up doing a Smithsonian museum or 3, maybe a monument or 3, and we'll wander around to see the cherry blossoms.

I miss the Radical Faeries.

We're going to WiseGuy's house for dinner tomorrow night. I was promised tasty chicken.

I'm really worried about the NYC thing and I hope we can find a place for him to stay soon. (Live in NYC? Want to put up my lover for a few days? Drop me a line.)

Oh, and introduced winterroseasfr to Potbelly. Which was met with great acclaim. I'm like "Dude, I'm fat. Trust a fat chick to know good food." :-D

Oh, and one last thing. asciilifeform left a message for me on my phones last Saturday night while winterroseasfr and I were deep in hypnotic trance. I had meant to get back to him, but keep forgetting. I'm terribly sorry about blowing you off. I'm not sure what your message said, but I have a feeling it had to do with hanging out, and yes, we'd love to hang out with you and devvieish sometime soon.

Have I mentioned how cute he is when he's asleep? Yeah. :-D

I miss winterroseasfr already. (Yeah, that's his scene name. Well, WinterRose is.)

The good news is, he's arriving here tomorrow night to spend time with me until I go up to NYC. (Don't tell him, but I'm going to see if I can convince him into coming, too. :-D)

I can hardly wait! (But I'll be a good girl and obey him. ;-) )

I also miss niyamas. I miss obeying Niy, too.

And I miss being under. And by under, I mean in hypnotic trance. There's something delicious and addictive about it, much like being in subspace.

Oh, and Winter totally honored me by letting me be the first person to do one of his major erotic kinks with him. And I'm totally honored and I feel so special about it. (I'll give more details if he lets me.) So, yeah, it was such a thing of beauty to help his very deep-set erotic needs/fantasies come true.

The short version.

Got my phone from pony_sprite.

Wandered over to the Dark Odyssey hotel.

Stumbled upon nyghtowl.

Hung out with him and met his SO at the train.

He paid for me to go to DO for one night.

Found out they were doing a Superheroes & Supervillains meet & greet later that night.

Couldn't decide between going as Doc Ock and The Doctor.

Nyghtowl's SO started geeking out over the Doctor so I decided to go as that.

Came home, rested, made myself a nice, meatless dinner (yay clam sauce!), watched some more (MOAR?) of the Doctor Who TVM, washed up a bit, got my Doctor clothes on, headed downtown.

Went to the mixer. Wandered a bit with Nyghtowl's SO.

Was standing with a group of people. Some dude spotted my sonic screwdriver.



HE PULLED OUT HIS OWN LAZER SCREWDRIVER.



Yes, folks, there was a guy dressed as the Master. We immediately started geeking out. Playing with our roles, talking about Who and kink and sex... and lolcats. :-)

And then we were on the wrestling mats that the other superheroes and villains were on. (BTW, there were some INCREDIBLE costumes... especially Dr. Ignor Ant and the Crimson "Disco" Tide.) And the next thing I know, I'm playing the Doctor and he's playing the Master... and he's KISSING ME.

TEAM TIEMCOCK INDEED.

(Of course, I had to say that after the kiss. And we both broke down into fits of laughter.)

So we had hawtt Whovian sex all night. Yeah, you heard me. It was like a dream come true. Hell, it WAS a dream come true.

At one point we wandered over to the play room, where wylddelirium and I gave him his first needle experience. Which was win.

Next, moar Whovian sex, and then he did erotic hypnotism on me... which was especially fun because, well, you know, the Master can hypnotize people, and at one point he was talking to me when I was hypnotized and he was talking to the Doctor. So yeah, that was interesting.

And now it's 3:30, and he's sitting on my bed as I type this up. He's staying here the next few nights instead of having to go stay with his friends in Baltimore. Yeah.

So, yeah, dream come true. What are the odds?

He's supposed to move to Hollywood in a few months. I'm trying to talk him into moving to DC instead. Maybe I should have him teach me how to use hypnotism and use it on him instead? ;-)

Oh, and he kinda looks like a younger Eldritch. Which is a little weird, but kinda cool.

So, yeah. That was the short version. :-D

The long version may or may not follow tomorrow. :-D

I've named the gaming computer "Olympia".

I seem to have accidentally gotten myself into a polyamorous relationship with a wonderful fantastic sweet smart geeky hawt BHM of a kinda bi-ish code monkey guy named markwhi who's married to a really fantastic geeky smart nice sexy BBW bi Hawaiian gal. This is their first shot at being poly. This is my first time being in a poly relationship (as opposed to just having my relationships be sexually open). It's new territory for all of us, scary and challenging in different ways.

But when that's put aside, all I know is how much I lust for Mark and crave his embrace. Dear fucking CHRIST I want to do that boy 6 ways from Sunday. He's a switch with a serious submissive side, and somehow he's managed to have me desire topping him. Which is weird, because I don't get dominant with men. But with him, I have. Hell, one night, I even topped him from an energy place of me, and it was even me feeling slightly feminine. Which is like OMGWTFBBQ, because people who know me know that I get my dominance from a masculine place, and that I'm kinda afraid of femdoms. And yet he's quite good at being dominant, at being strong and forceful with me, at whispering in my ear in just the right way and shoving me down on the bed and putting a leash around me. *shudder* *shiver* YEAH. :-D

He's got some interesting and fantastic kinks, some of which are directly compatible with mine and others which are new territory for me (and you know how I love to learn about new kinks). He wants me to try piercing him. I'm going to see about asking him if piercing is a behavior that we can keep something that he won't do with his wife. I want SOMETHING that he doesn't share with her.

And it also seems that somehow he's able to genuinely enjoy doing erotic weight gain fantasy with me. Which is fantastic, because knowing he's getting into it makes me more comfortable doing it with him.

And the most fantastic of all... he won't run. I know he won't run and I genuinely believe it this time and I have only about 1% doubt that he might. And I know he can handle me and he won't run because he's had mentally ill family members in the past and knows how to deal with them.

I CAN'T SCARE HIM AWAY. THIS IS A FUCKING BIG DEAL. YAY.

So... yeah. Mark. Hee! :-D

This has been a wonderful week.

I have new romantic/sexual interest. One that's currently forbidden (we're waiting on the confirmation of the ok from his wife), but I'm willing to bide my time. Until then, *sigh* and *swoon*!

I got a new computer from said interest (as we're friends too, of course). Well, it's new to me, old to him, but it's a 2gHz processor and it has a gig of RAM. It's Winblows, but that's good, because I can play all the games on it I couldn't play on the Mac. So I've been playing Team Fortress and Star Trek: Voyager - Elite Force and I started playing the trial version of HalfLife 2 and Second Life plays SO much better on it, it's not even funny. WoW... well, it's kinda weird w/o the wide screen. I have problems at the AH working with my bags and the AH interface. However, I can play the game with all of the graphics cranked up. When you get drunk, your view gets fuzzy. It keeps getting fuzzier the more you drink until you're "completely smashed" (which is the highest level of drunkenness available) and you can barely see. So, yes, new gaming computer. (Suggestions for naming it are welcome. Let's keep with the religious/mythological/ancient history theme I have going for naming computers. I'd like the name to reflect that it is a gaming computer.)

I got a new fishie. He's tiny and so pink that he's translucent and you can see his organs. I think he's getting named Pinky. I didn't want to add any more fish to the tank, but with a name like Pinky I almost have to get another gray fish and name it "The Brain", ya know?

I got a filter for the water on my tank. It's making a WORLD of difference.

I got my call sign, as you know.

I'm hanging out with xnecrontyrx tomorrow. Haven't hung out with him in ages. (Remind me to bring DVD-Rs with me to get my shots off his comp.)

miscreeds sent me an email today, saying he got hired by Google! Mazel tov, babe! (OTOH, I'll miss visiting Seattle. Maybe I can convince him into flying me out there one last time.)

I'm going to Shabbat services with my congregation at my synagogue tonight. (If that confused you, know that the building my congregation uses is one that's shared with many different Jewish congregations.) I'm excited about going (I didn't have anything else to do tonight and didn't want to spend another night home alone, so this is perfect), and it seems kinda fitting to end my week like this, as it's been such a wonderful week.

I reiterate. It's hard to get over the loss of someone when you keep having dreams about them. Especially when they're uber-fucked up and full of emotion.

For some God-unknown reason, I dreamed that in that short time we were together, I had gotten pregnant with his child. (Note: this didn't happen IRL). However, we had still broken up.

Well, it was 9 months later, I was big and heavy and ready to deliver. For some reason I was at my paternal grandparents' house. (I haven't been there in YEARS.) And I was trying to get in touch with him because I was sure that he'd want to meet and spend time with his child. But this was causing lots of angst inside of me because, well, we were broken up. And I believe I went into labor in the dream, because I remember flying back (but the flying back was like over the entire US, not just from the Pittsburgh area to here) with the child.

It was all extremely emotionally loaded and I've now woken up EXTREMELY shaken up.

I think I know why I dreamed this. Yesterday, I had a nice loving cuddle session with fritterfae while we were having a wonderful conversation about sexuality with his fiancee dmlaenker and our mutual friend faeshale, to whom I told that it was the cuddling and the feeling loved and needed and wanted and desired that I missed the most from dating jakegrim. I also said a little later how very nice it was when friends who cared about each other said "I love you" and meant it in the platonic friendship way, because he had said he loved me and I told him I loved him back. I also mentioned that maybe if more people had friendships where they were told they were loved, people wouldn't enter into relationships solely because they needed to feel loved.

So, yeah, that cuddle session brought up all those emotions.

And I think the pregnancy thing came from watching the final episode of ST:V the other day (where B'Elanna is pregnant and giving birth). There were other ST: V things woven in.

So... yeah... I'm officially 40 different kinds of messed up inside now. I'm going into work late because I just can't COPE right now. It's too much. I need an extra hour or so to get over this, it was so intense. I'm totally shaken up inside.

I need to have a really good loving cuddle session where I can cry my eyes out and be comforted. Something where I can be held and feel loved. Something completely non-sexual and just really loving and nurturing.

I took my meds so I'm feeling a little better, but I still am going into work late. I need to get more emotionally stable before I go out into the world, otherwise I'm going to have a freak-out in public.

Went to pony_sprite and lunapuna's party on Saturday night.

I went with jakegrim. We were a bit apprehensive about him going, as he was worried about "what if the party turns kinky/sexual?" After some convincing that it was just friends having drinks and food and chatting, he said he'd go. (Oh, how interesting this gets.)

So we arrive 2.5 hours late, after him and I had some talking and cuddling and things we needed to process together.

So we're eating and chatting. It's pony_sprite, lunapuna, a very hot, very heavy set woman and a guy with long dark hair.

So we're talking, and the heavy set woman turns to me and goes, "You're c4bl3fl4m3, aren't you?" I bust out laughing and confirm this. Turns out that she's wylddelirium. We had talked before and she had mentioned needles and I had mentioned how I had had them once and would like to do them again. And the gentleman ended up being ninjaslug. Good fucking times.

So I ended up taking a bit of residence at her feet while she pet my head. Oh, it had been so long since I got that sub need met. I remember sitting there and gazing up at her with that adoring look and then gazing over at jakegrim and letting him know just how much the sub thing was in me and how much it meant to me. To his credit, he seemed to at least respect it, if not get it all the way.

And then the fun started. ( Wherein needles happen! YAY! Keep reading, n00bs! )
So yes. Needles = good. New partners willing to take risks... and those risks pay off = even better. If you're interested in this from jakegrim's PoV, check out his post on it. http://jakegrim.livejournal.com/62091.html He's made it public for only a few days, so check it out now or get on his friends list so you can read it whenever.

And I'll tell you more about meeting his family later. Let's just say I enjoy their property in Bowie quite a bit, they're very cool people, and their doggie made me one happy girlie. :-)

Here. Go read this. Yeah. You.
http://jakegrim.livejournal.com/61629.html

xnecrontyrx and me are just friends. (There's a Fine, Fine Line from Avenue Q just came on. Truly fitting, really.) God, he was hard to get over. Took me weeks. You all know how crazy I was about him. He had decided that because he had been in serial monogamy for the past 15 years he wanted to find out who he was single. Which totally makes sense. Which i totally support. But it doesn`t make it hurt any less.

So I met jakegrim. And we connected over the fact that the book Microserfs not only was our favorite, but that it was life altering for both of us. That and he feels that long swishy coats are inherently badass and sexy, too. Hes über-cuddly and he has a boyish face. And I'm dating him. Yes, I used the D word. I've never actually dated before so I'm giving it a shot. I'm showing him around Adams Morgan today after work.

Had the chance to mess around with a really good camera and lenses last night, including a macro lens.

I *really* like photography. I was able to take what I was seeing with my eye and capture it via "film" (it's a digital camera). Which is what I've always wanted to be able to do. I was very squeeful over it, very excited.

I'll be releasing some of the shots as stock photos on DeviantArt soon, and the others as just pictures (perhaps I'll make them CC?). 'Cause the world needs more completely free, no strings attached stock. Seriously.

xnecrontyrx also took some shots of me. I had fun posing and stuff. Some were clothed, some were artsy nudes. I'll post a couple of them, too, if he's cool with that. I especially want to do the one of the nipple tweak (it's actually SFW), the one of the incredible depths of my iris (god, it's gorgeous), and the blown kiss one.

And now I'm running so late for work, it's not even funny. Off I go!

I just thought I should let you all know.

So there's this guy...

Well, his name's xnecrontyrx/Justin. He's a coder and a professional photographer. Oh, and he used to be a prep chef, so he can cook like noone's business. (Gotta love a man who can cook and loves to do it!) He's smart and funny and doesn't mind my foibles neurosis foibles. And so far, we're pretty compatible in bed. Oh, and he looks like a chubby Gendo Ikari, which is tres sexy. And he plays tabletop RPGs. (He's going to let me into his new campaign starting in May.)

And I smile and my heart does that woosh of glee thing whenever I think about him. I've seen him, what, 6 times in the last 8 days? Yeah. I know it's probably not healthy, but... but when I'm in his arms, it just feels RIGHT. And the dynamic feels right when I'm in his arms. It feels protecting but I don't feel any of that lesser than you/better than me dynamic that has plagued me in the past with other people that I've gotten that protecting vibe from when they hold me. (It's a great vibe for the bedroom to be able to bring about, but it's not so good [at least for me] when it enters your actual relationship.)

So... yeah. I'm trying not to fall too hard too fast and I'm succeeding to an extent... but only to an extent. And that's ok by me.

If I get his permission, I'll link to his photo website and/or his LJ.

(Oh! I forgot to tell you where I met him! http://www.gk2gk.com/ = Geek2Geek, a geek dating website that has TONS of members from the DC area.)

So if you see me inordinately happy and singing Happiness Writes White by Harvey Danger or Daughters by John Mayer, you'll know why.

...also in the update field, the old goldfish died and I got a new one, named Moby (the singer or the whale, you decide). Bigger bowl + aerator + thingie to hide in/behind = happier goldfish. I still think this one has a case of fin rot, but the store said they were having a fin rot problem, so yeah.

Eden, the new computer, has been serving me well. It definitely needs more RAM, but I already knew that. It's having some wonky problems with the sound that I think is related to the connections on the mobo (I've already determined it's not the speakers) but whatever... I can play WoW and I can almost play Second Life.

And now I must run. I'm going up to VT and MIT with RS this weekend. Hooray for roadtrips! (And hooray for MIT!)

I've been mulling this around in my head for days, possibly even weeks now. I've been meaning to post on this for a while.

I have a problem when it comes to dating women. Let me rephrase that. I have a problem with dating women in this area. Or perhaps dating isn't the best phrase. Perhaps I should say FINDING women to date.( Keep Readin'! )

Edit: I'm a queer amongst queers. Somehow, this is fitting. This is appropriate. I've ALWAYS been a queer amongst queers, using the other definition of queer. I've never fit in, even when I'm with others that don't fit in, when I'm with alternative communities, communities of people that don't fit in, be they the geek community or the BDSM community or whatever. (Actually, with the geek community thing, I've figured out that I AM a geek, through and through {hell, it may be the one thing that I definately AM, when everything else, when all the other labels fall away}, but that I'm not JUST a [techie] geek... that there's more to me than that)

(Feedback on this is more than appreciated.)

I realized I never really sat down and wrote about my feelings for the women in my life. I've never really tried to put it in perspective for my friends.

My friends have always been wonderfully supportive of my bisexuality. Frankly, I think they know that if they're not comfortable with it, I'm not going to be their friend. They know I don't make friends with people who don't support me. However, this isn't giving them credit for their own fights against homophobia. My friends are supportive of me and my bisexuality because they believe that homophobia is wrong. I didn't have to turn them this way... they already were this way when I found them. When I see my friends wearing or putting the HRC logo on their car when I didn't even ask them to, or doing other things to show that they aren't homophobic and that they think homophobia is wrong, it makes me feel so good. To know that I'm not struggling alone and in vain. To know that there's these wonderful straight allies out there, fighting for me to have the same rights they do. Fighting for what's right even though they don't have to, even though it doesn't directly affect them.

Anyway, I was going to talk about same gender love, wasn't I?

You all know that I've loved 2 women in my life: overlord_mordax and orcinus_dorka. As a bisexual, I have the unique opportunity to know both sides of the love coin. And I can tell you, it really is the same. The feelings are the same. The heady rush of new love, the whole crush thing. The depth of emotion for those I really care about. The dating scene, the being nervous, the "does she like me or does she like me like me" thing... it's all the same. To those that say it's not. They're wrong. They're just simply wrong.

There are some differences though, at least for me. I'm far more comfortable around men than women. When attracting men, when trying to put the moves on them, so to speak, it's alot easier for me, I'm far more confident. I know what men like, I know what men want. I know how to be sexy, how to attract. Not average guys, but the geeks I go for. I'm a bit over the top, yes, but often times, that's an excusable thing when men are concerned.

Women are foreign territory to me. I want to let them know i'm interested in them, but I don't know how to do it w/o just telling them right out. I don't know how to flirt with women because I'm afraid that they won't be interested in me or that I'm coming on too hard. I don't know necessarily how to be me around women because I think women won't be attracted to me.

I like biwomen. You already knew that though, I bet. I like playing "the guy" with bi women. I like being courteous, I like pulling out a chair or taking their coat. If they're cold, I like offering them my coat. I like opening doors and holding out my arm to escort them. I love chivalry. Hell, I'll do this with my straight female friends if I'm in the mood... I just like being nice to pretty girls. But there's something about this formality that just makes me feel really good inside. Apparently, it becomes me, because I've been told so by both overlord_mordax and orcinus_dorka. With women, I can let this side of me out, the more masculine side, the side of me that's attracted to women, that thinks they're something special, that thinks you should treat women right. With guys, my male energy gets channeled more into being a tomboy female. Except sometimes when I feel like being a guy, and I'm with guys who aren't attracted to guys, then it kinda has nowhere to go.

...I really *do* feel bigendered.

I don't think I really had a point to this LJ post. I just wanted to write this down. And maybe give my straight friends a peek inside the world of being queer. Frankly, I think it just gives me more eyecandy to look at. Unfortunately, whereas most opposite sex lovers can look at eyecandy and pretty much know that what they're looking at is most likely attracted to their gender (the whole 10% thing), when I look at girls, unless they look dykey or I'm in an area with a very large queer population, often times I know that I could probably only look.

Yeah... ok, this post is crappy.

So I went to Games Night at UMD last night upon the suggestion of herodotusjr. Met a bunch of cool people (one of them is coming over for dinner tonight) and got a free copy of Chez Geek. I realize that I now need to get a D6 so that I can play it well. Also, what do most people use for counters? Do they just use whatever is at hand or do they have a set of little round stones or something?

I also worked with magnetic poetry on my fridge last night, wrote some pieces off of inspiration on the fridge. (Very rarely can I write a whole piece via the magnets. I usually start writing it with the magnets and then turn to paper where I have less restrictions as per the words I use.) I posted them on dA.

Still kinda depressed, need to get off my ass and get stuff done. I don't exactly miss Groupie per se, but I do miss how I wasn't depressed and how we got out and about and did stuff when she was here. I felt much better then.

Oh, and I really need to get off my ass and make a "geek" icon for myself. Not sure if I want to make it girl geek themed or just geek in general.

Where you end, where I begin
Is like a river going through

Take my heart, take my eyes
'Cause I'll need them no more
If never again they'll fall upon
The one I so adore

'Scuse me please, one more drink
Could you make it strong?
'Cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart
My Grace is Gone
One more drink and I'll move on

(No, I haven't been drinking. But this song has the right feel to it.)

(For the Ock fans that read my LJ, wouldn't this song be perfect to describe the bar scene in Freak Like Me? It goes along with the scene just like Yume's image does.)

Whenever I leave orcinus_dorka or she leaves me (or perhaps it's any time I lose my Love), I have the hankering to listen to this song. I don't know why. It's not one of my favorites or anything. I just always want to listen to it. I wanted to listen to it as my vacation in France was drawing to a close. I put it on the group of CD-Rs we listened to in her car as we drove to CDG (Charles De Gaule) in Paris.

I found myself wanting to listen to it a few days before she left. I was hankering for it again this morning. So I went out and DLed it.

Listening to it, a memory comes up in my head. A very special memory... perhaps the most special one I have of orcinus_dorka and me. The weird thing is that the song has nothing to do with the memory.

I can remember, the first night I was over there, needing to get out of her apartment and take a walk. There was a whole bunch of friends over (Barbara, Benoit, Jean-Luc [her apartmentmate], others?) and I just felt overwhelmed. So I took her hand and we went through a walk in her little village. Down tiny streets that were never designed in the first place for car travel, past old churches and homes that looked oh, so French and oh, so timeless. We passed by and then underneath a bridge from the early 1000s, perhaps even earlier than that (800s? I don't remember... I know she told me it was very VERY old). On the far side of this bridge was a football (soccer) field. It was sunset by this point... late sunset. The sun was long gone and you could see just some color and stars in the sky. I remember she was wearing a long light blue skirt. I remember her sitting crosslegged in the grass in the field and me putting my head on her lap and just sitting there and talking with her, watching the stars come out. We lazed around, played with grass (I showed her how you can put it between your thumbs and make a reed out of it and blow into it and make it make noise... I think she already knew that though), talked.

It's one of my more simple memories of France, but I think it's my favorite. I was too caught up in needing to show her things here to truly enjoy the time we spent just laying around the house and spending time together. I forgot to stop and take a breath and just enjoy her company. I regret that. Deeply. I have no special memory of her here. Or perhaps I do, but I just need some time for it to steep and turn into that special memory.

...

I miss her. I miss her already. Yes, she just left yesterday but I woke up this morning in depression, feeling lost and not having a clue what to do with myself. I felt like I was back to living the eternal nothingness.


And this song, this damn song, keeps resonating with me, in my head (the fact that I have it on repeat notwithstanding). It must be the melody with the insistence of the lyrics. Even though it has nothing to do with what's happening with me, with her, with us, I still want to sing the lyrics out loud to her, to implore their questions with her, even though they're meaningless to us and what's happening with us. I don't lose her and she doesn't/hasn't lost me to a search for self. Still, the lyrics with the music resonates, they beg me to be sung, to question in my own melodic way.

Tell me,
Did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find
and did you miss me while you were lookin' for your self out there?

Perhaps it speaks of my life. I'm always, damn near endlessly, it seems, lookin' for my self (myself?) out there.

I feel like I want to, need to cry. But the reason is odd. I just have this feeling inside that my tears will feel like a hug, that they'll give me a hug. Perhaps because when I get a comforting hug, I cry sometimes.

I feel so introspective. I feel like I want to be quiet and sit around and think and muse and ponder and dream. I feel like being creative today.

So we (RS and I ) dropped orcinus_dorka at IAD (Dulles International Airport) this afternoon. When I went back to his place, I cried and cried and cried. Oh, such intense grief. It coursed through my body like a blue grey liquid, filling my veins. I could feel it through my limbs and my torso... such an incredibly intense feeling.


Last night we (Groupie and I) went to DC2600 (good meet. We just BSed and talked some about Linux distros, etc. Groups followed along fine. I think she should start a meet in her town.) and then to The Crucible. They were having an exploratorium. I had never been to one of those before, but OMG it was amazing. Little stations set up to try out various types of play w/o having to have a scene with it. I'm definitely going to bring friends who want to try BDSM after fantasizing about it to an Exploratorium (if they don't mind waiting) for their first time at the Crucible. The only unfortunate part about this is that they don't hold Exploratoriums enough. I tried fire play, sensation play, knife play, and suspension play. I passed on the electrical play (I'm not that crazy about it... I also have some limits with it from childhood trauma) and on the cup (oriental suction) play (I've done it before and it's not really my thing) and on the wax play (it's a little too much pain for me, and there wasn't any time for me or Groups to do it). I'll just tell you about my experiences... I'll let Groups tell about hers... but do know that she experienced some very new things for her last night and I'm very very proud of her and happy for her. :)

( New experiences inside. Possibly NSFW? )

Well, I typed a lot. It's herodotusjr's birthday today, so I'm going out to meet him at a club. Bug him and wish him a happy 24th birthday!

I'll write more on the adventures of orcinus_dorka and c4bl3fl4m3 later! :D

So right now Groupie (my lover, if you haven't figured that out...

omg! LJ now autosaves drafts of posts like Gmail does! COOL!

..oh, sorry about that ADHD moment... back to my former thought...

So right now orcinus_dorka (my lover, if you haven't figured that out by now) is packing. Packing her suitcase to come over here. And it STILL doesn't feel real to me yet. I don't think it does to her either. I don't think it will until she's gone from here. Which is sad, but often times the way these things go.

I am getting quite excited. We have so many things we want to do together, I don't know how we'll fit them all in.

SO... our schedule, as of right now, is. Updated as of 2/18/2006
( It's LONG! Read it though! )

As you can see, there's lots of time there that says "FREE". This is time that you can hang with us. So drop me a line in this post (I'm looking at you, herodotusjr and asciilifeform/devvieish.) and we'll schedule when we'll hang.

escapade52, would you like to do kink stores (Christopher Street and/or others) with us, perhaps before the show, perhaps after? What are you doing that Saturday?

nyghtowl, when are you and Emily free?

rob_t_firefly, you wanna hang out with us that sunday? We'd love for you to show us around your favorite parts of Manhattan (and how well do you know Queens? I have a feeling Groupie might like to see it.)


...I'm wondering if I should visit my aunt and uncle in TriBeCa when I'm up there. I'm not out to them, but I don't see them freaking out. I mean, they're ARTISTS who live in NYC.

(and why the icon? I felt like it.)

Finally got the pics from France (yell @ orcinus_dorka for not sending them to me until now). Will be uploading the good ones over the next couple of days.

Until then, you'll have to make do with just one pic of the 2 of us together. It's on my dA account, but I'll be posting the rest not only in my dA scraps, but in my LJ gallery.

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22261160/

God, I love this girl... :-)

I'm currently typing this entry using the eLinks webbrowser. Yes, scary. (To those of you that don't know, it's a text only browser. And yet it supports a whole mess of shit.) Yeah.

Home from Williamsburg. Sick as a dog. (Sinus infection... I noticed it starting to act up again as soon as I got off the plane from Paris, but it really kicked into high gear last night) Going to asciilifeform's place for a computer soon. I have my cell phone back (Amtrack found it, for those of you that didn't know), but I need to get it reactivated. (BTW, has anyone here ever done that before? What's it like?)

Let's see... what else. Not sure. Back to "real life" it seems. Which saddens and depresses me. It would be so much nicer if I could live real life with orcinus_dorka by my side. Oh, she may be coming here to visit sometime this Fall or Winter, which makes me quite happy. Yayerz!

Sitting at the comp, I can hear the trains go by outside my window. A passenger train just went by at high speed. I've been hearing the Metro trains go by all day. Oop... there's one now. I actually didn't miss them as much as I thought I would. I can remember the quiet of orcinus_dorka room. She's staying in Verdun with her mom and hated step-dad for 3 weeks as she works nights at the cheese factory (making Laughing Cow cheese... it's known as "la vache qui rit" over there). Hopefully, we'll be able to chat online.

Ok... I think I'm going to go take a shower and get dressed and head out to asciilifeform's place.

I miss orcinus_dorka like a motherfucker.

Life just SUCKS w/o her.

I'd do ANYTHING to live with her. And you know me, I don't like living with people I'm in love with. But with her it seems to be different.

orcinus_dorka, where are you? You're not on AIM or MSNMS or on the dA... where are you? I'd ADORE to hear your voice again.

So I'm here.

In France. With a girl I seem to love, though I haven't told her in so many terms.

The food is good. The love we make is passionate and beautiful and quite hot. Life is easy.

She RPs a good Ramos!Ock. I, too, have been playing the Good Doctor quite a bit lately. He sneaks into your mind, your soul, in the most delightfully insidious of ways.

I seem to be happy.

And yet, I miss the longing. I miss the yearning, the needing. That passionate fire in my soul that drives me damn near mad, but that drives me to create, to write, to try to bring the Dark Octopus near.

I know... it makes no sense.

I must admit, I do miss the long nights of RP with my RP partners. I miss the very dark and sexually violent Ramos!Ock I play. I miss hanging out with Movie!Ock, and being girls with Ryssell.

I do have things I'm supposed to be doing over here, but it's difficult to bring myself to care. Especially when I'm not on my medication. I will get them done though, because I do have a sense of responsibility.

The food is good. So is the wine and the cider and the other drinks. The people are nice. The language is coming back to me to an extent. I'm in love. I still get depressed sometimes, but I think that's never going to go away.

For the most part, my soul feels light and I feel at peace.

Perhaps this is happy.
Perhaps I deserve this.

I only hope I can make her as happy as she makes me.

I think... I think I dreamed about her last night. Or perhaps the night before. Or maybe it was just a daydream of mine.

But I can see her face. And I have some memories of me talking to her in the now (i.e. not in the then... new memories of talking to her). I don't remember what I said, but I remember talking to her, face to face.

Was she in my dream at the old roller skating rink?

I remember talking to her. And I remember putting my hand on the side of her face, her chubby little face, and gently pulling it down her cheek. Or perhaps that's been thrust in there from other daydreams or memories.


I don't understand. I don't know if I'm over her or not. Or perhaps it's not a binary thing... perhaps it's a continuum. Most of the time, I'm ok. But sometimes, I'm not. And what makes me question is that most of the times when I'm not, I have really strong feelings about it. Sometimes it's just a wistful longing. But more often it's sadness or pain or anger that develops into rage (at her, at her family) or anguish or longing.

I still have feelings for her. I know that. Well, I think I know that. It's like, most of the time, I don't have the sense of longing and need to be with her (even if it's just in my mind) that to me signifies still having feelings for her. But when I'm feeling down about it, I then have feelings for her all over again. Or perhaps it's just pain and longing for the way things were.

What does "having feelings for someone" feel like anyway? Something's telling me it's not just longing for them or wanting them. That it's something else... something that has an element of wanting the best for them.

I still want the best for her. I will always want the best for her. That's part of what got me into this state to begin with... my wanting to give her the best (or at least something far better than she currently has).


How do I get over her? How do I heal? I don't know how. I don't know.


And it's not like I'm saying "I don't know how I'll ever love again". Rather, it's the opposite. I have this love inside, a love that she awakened in me, and I want to apply it, to use it, to give it to someone special. I want to have another fangirl I'm in love with. Someone whom I can cherish, whom I can nurture. And I want them to love me back. I want someone who adores and desires me as much as I adore and desire them.


God, I have so many little memories of her. Simple things, subtle things. The way the neckline of her shirt hung as we were sitting there, talking and planning and scheming and eating McDonalds for dinner, the night that she sent me off @ the airport. I remember that neat outfit she wore that Saturday. For being a feminine and/or classical style male presenter, she sure is into clothes and getting dressed and accessories and getting things just right. She's one of those girls who take forever and a day to get dressed. I may take 5 minutes to pick out an outfit, but she'll take 15 minutes getting the outfit right and putting on accessories. Sigh. Women.

Anyway, I remember that black or red tshirt she wore, and those sleeves/cuffs, striped red (or was it burgundy or purple) and black, that she attached to her tshirt via safety pins. I remember helping her unpin them in her bedroom, sitting on her bed, trying not to rip any clothing (they were taut) or poke her fleshy arms with the pins.

I remember laughing and giggling with her. We did that alot. Oh, how she made me laugh. She could make me laugh like none other. And not just laugh, but she had an uncanny ability to make me giggle. Giggle like a silly little fangirl. It's hard to maintain one's suaveness and dignity when they are being reduced to giggles. Oh, the giggles we had.

I remember the little things, the simple things, the subtle things. I remember the incredible softness and smoothness of her pale, pale skin. I remember her dark, dark eyes peering out from her face, black as midnight. I remember the darkness of her hair, its wavyness, how it fell down from her head. I remember her black hat. And her gentleman's cane. I remember curling up in her bed, throwing the covers over me, being depressed and RPing. I remember the weight of her body as she held me there in the bed. I remember the sound of her voice... how I always really liked it and found it highly attractive and how I thought that it reflected the woman she could be, can be, in the future... that liberated and successful woman. I... I remember our first kiss, sitting on her boyfriend's bed in their attic, back in that little cubby by the window, by her fading Doc Ock poster. Her lips were so soft, so... fleshy and chewable (for lack of a term that gets it just right). I remember our last kiss, with a promise that we would kiss again.

A promise we would kiss again.

:-(

So many memories. And when I think of them, I just get a bittersweet sadness in my soul.


The other night, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.

New mood theme: Doc Ock! W00t!

Although I don't like some of the choices for some of them, and some of them are too dark to see them well (like the depressed icon... can't tell what's going on there)... so I might have to modify it a bit, and make my own mood theme off of it.

But not now... I'm too damn tired.

/me wishes overlord_mordax would come on.
/me misses her.

/me will give karma and Oreos to anyone who gets the exact subject reference. (excluded parties already know who they are)

I'm heading out shopping then to ShmooCon. If you need to reach me, TXT my cell (there's a free TXT interface on my info page).

BTW, I'm not staying there, so I will be home (barring crashing in someone's room) tonight and tomorrow.

Oh, and overlord_mordax? I love you. :-)

Wow.

Yeah.

I'm sitting here, missing overlord_mordax.

So I'm working with various windows, and I get a glance at my desktop wallpaper. It's a lovely self-grat picture of Doc Ock holding me that she dr00d. The version I have up right now is a colored in one (well, digitally reinked in color, except for the tentacles, which I colored in). (oh, what the hell... might as well post the link. It's a very amateur job of reinking... it's my first time. http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/14815487/ )

So I click to it, and my heart sinks a little. Because it kinda wanted it to look like me being held by her.

It would rather see us holding each other. :-)

So, yeah, I guess it's official that I miss her.



Woah... Nature calls.

Matt didn't have any ideas either. He said it was a thing between overlord_mordax and her mom.

Sigh. I feel so helpless. I feel like I'm dancing a delicate dance, one that I can't mess up on a single step with, but that noone taught me what steps do what.

God, this is hell. Mordax's mom? Yeah. Cut it the fuck out and let your daughter come visit me w/o having to worry if she has a home to come to. You're being fucking ridiculous. Stop acting like a child and support her instead of working against her and her dreams.

Oh, and about the whack case comment?
1.) yes, I am a whack case... so?
2.) whack case and mature/responsible are NOT mutually exclusive.
3.) I may be a whack case, but I'm supporting myself. That's what matters.
4.) Who are you to call me a whack case with your extremely messed up family and living arrangements, huh? That's what I thought.
5.) What matters is that I accept your daughter for who she is, and instead of trying to change who she is at her core to meet my idea of what I think a responsible, mature adult should be like, I'm trying to help her become responsible, mature, and adult in such a way that she'll still be herself afterward. I have no intention of ridding her of fandom. It makes her happy. Reality sucks... why should I insist that she spend all her time here when it sucks so bad? My greater question is: why do YOU spend all YOUR time here? I want to see her become happy, healthy and productive. I want to see her grow and blossom into the beautiful unique intelligent young lady she has inside of her. And I'm not going to compromise her core to do it. Because, believe it or not, there's nothing wrong with her uniqueness. Your daughter is different from everyone else. I'm sorry you couldn't have a good little clone sheeple just like everyone else, just like you wanted obviously. I guess you're just going to have to deal with the fact that she's different and she's special and she's unique and she's intelligent and she wants more out of life and she's not content with this reality and she always will be. I'm sorry that she's such a disappointment to you. In fact, why don't I just take her off your hands, so that you won't have to deal with her anymore, so that you won't have the shame of her uniqueness on your family.

Ok... that got rather ranty. But still.

I can't believe I'm going to say this, (and please forgive me for this, dear girl) but overlord_mordax's mom (and, oh, what the hell, her dad too)? Fuck you. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, you pretentious cunt & bastard. You were given an incredible gift, something very unique, and you want to mold it and shape it down to be bland and dull and just like everyone else. And to that I say, fuck you and NO. No way in hell. I won't let you.

Over my dead body.
/me clings onto her treasure tightly, not letting her go.

Called Daddy last night. Talked till 3.

He didn't have any extra ideas. He said he'd keep thinking though, and get in touch within the next couple of days.

He said that if her mom doesn't change, it's probably going to come to a Thursday Night (Liberation Day) type situation. She's going to have a choice to make.

:sigh:

So scared... so, so scared. I mean, we can do this, I can do this, but I'd rather just not have to be put in that situation.
God, there's this overlying anxiety, and this big knot in my stomach...

I've been praying that it all works out before the 25th. And I'm not big on asking for things in prayer. I hope she prays or does a spell or does whatever her little Pagan self does too. We need all the help we can get.

It's going to happen... I can just feel it.

She's going to come down here and not be allowed to return home. And I'm going to have to support us.

Ok... come on C4bl3Fl4m3, you're good in times like these... what do you need to do?

First off, find her a job
Second off, find either us an apartment together (2 bedroom, of course) or find her a room to rent.

Ok... those done... she's going to need health insurance.
Well, I guess I can always get her onto MAMSI. I liked them, and they were reasonable.


Ya know, finances might be easier if we were married. But I don't want to get married. Hell, they won't even marry us. DC would let us register a domestic partnership, but that takes X number of years of previous committment, I believe. And I don't want to live in DC. I like my congressional voting rights, god damn it.

Let's see...
Job
place to live
food
transit money
health insurance
...then schooling.

Get her enrolled @ MC. Part time. Get loans and grants.

God, this is rough. How did I ever manage all of this for myself. How do I ever manage all of this for myself?

Thank god for my mom. Seriously.

Hmm... Mom... Daddy (Dan).

I should call Daddy. He'll know what to do.


***

Why the fuck does her mom have to play these stupid fucking games? Gah!

I just had to post a link to this:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/overlord_mordax/13075.html

/me sighs and swoons.

This time last week, I was with Her.

She has the tiniest hands. Smaller than mine, actually (but just slightly). (I've got TINY hands.)

And she smells good. And she's got this off the shoulder gray sweater... her quintessential sweater.


God, do I miss Her. So, so much. /me reaches to her neck and clutches the green malachite heart that's a Permanent there now.

***

In other news, I'm going to the Washington DC Comic-Con on Sunday. I'll be cosplaying Dr. Otto Octavius. This will be my first con (that's not a computer con), and my first time cosplaying in public. My outfit for Otto I already have (I bought for RPing last weekend).
I hope to get some Doc Ock merchandise, and a few comics perhaps.

I'm home... I'm exhausted, and think I might be coming down with something because of how my immune system was weakened this weekend.

Met Her, met her family, met her best friend. How did it go? I wrote a post on this on the plane coming home, but I have to wait for tomorrow 'till my Palm syncs for it to post.
But if you just want a rough yea or nay, you're in luck.

:-)

That is all.

(No, the music isn't fitting at all...)

right now, I'm flying back to Dulles... going home from seeing overlord_mordax. I have to admit... it feels good to be heading home. It was a long, exhausting weekend... full of tribulations and trials by fire. Consider me fire-hardened. Or, at least able to drive in the snow. ;-)

Oh, not because of Her... not at all. She is quite lovely and her company is extremely charming. I had the best dinner/date I ever had in my life with her Saturday night. I feel so comfortable around her... and I *never* feel comfortable with girls. It was very difficult to leave her behind in Upstateville, NY like that. I am extremely smitten with her... so is the character that I RP with her.

However, do not think that all is tragic with our being separated from each other... for I have good tidings of great joy that shall be unto all LJers (or at least the people who read my journal who care).You will be the first to hear this news. She will be flying down here for the weekend 5 weeks from now! We decided this eating dinner at the airport.

So, if you want to meet her, mark your calendar for 5 weekends from now.

I'm so tired... so incredibly tired. Having to stay hyper-vigilant driving in the snow, enduring her brother, and just the general hassle of it all, it's a wonder I enjoyed myself at all. But enjoy myself I did. If we could find love and happyness despite those conditions, imagine what we could do down here in DC. We could thrive and flourish.

Greer, I love you.
(click) I love you, dearest Langley. (endclick)

I just want to hear Van Morrison's "Jackie Wilson Said (I'm In Heaven When You Smile)". Damn me for not having it on my computer here @ work.
/me goes off to search Internet radio for it.

hmm... which prompts another song... "I still haven't found what I'm looking for"...


Oh... why the song? Well, DUH... because I'm in heaven when She smiles. :D

I need a sappy romance icon... one that pokes fun at being sappily in love like my "How existential can you get?" icon mocks me when I make serious and/or introspective posts. But until then, I guess we'll just have to go with Aubrey & Davan hugs.

About the icon... any ideas? I prefer to use icons from no credit needed type communities.

EDIT: If we're going to do comics, let's stick with comics I already read, ok?
(/me wouldn't be adverse to: Something*Positive, Achewood, Crap I Drew On My Lunch Break, Life's So Rad, Boondocks, Fox Trot, Calvin & Hobbes, Dilbert... gah, there's got to be others...)

Happy Gregorian Calendar New Year!

***

I usually don't make resolutions, but last year, for whatever reason, I made one. It was partially in sillyness, but it was also quite real in many ways.

Last year, I resolved that I'd finally lose my girlie virginity in 2005. I'd finally have relations with a woman.

I had known I was bi for 3 years, but never did anything more than 14 y.o. experimental style kissing. I was questioning my sexuality, thinking maybe I *didn't* like girls like that after all. Thinking that if I caught a girl, I wouldn't know what to do with her, and would just let her go (to use metaphor).

Last year, about half way into the year, I finally lost my girlie virginity to a friend (who's still my friend now). In fact, around November, I had Girl Number 2 (whom I really need to hang with again).

But the kicker, something that has shocked me and surprised me more than I can express, happened around mid-December.

I had figured out that women, for me, were merely a sexual thing. That all my relationships would be with men, for I just got along better with men and could understand them better than women. I never had women friends growing up (except for 1 person, and she was a tomboy), so women were scary, foreign territory to me.

In mid-December, completely out of the blue, I fell in love with a woman. I totally wasn't expecting this.

I fell in love with a funny, extremely talented, beautiful, and exceedingly intelligent beyond your wildest dreams woman. She's younger than me and has got some stuff to deal with because of that, but, hey, who doesn't have stuff to deal with. The thing is, because of me, she *is* dealing with it now. I push her limits, and she responds by pushing her own. Which is beautiful.

Up until now, unless you've known me IRL, you've only known her as Her. I wanted to protect anonymity, I wanted to keep it private until now.

Until now.

World, there's this smart, witty, funny, beautiful girl out there whom I love and who loves me. And her name is overlord_mordax. Her name is Y!IM = lejindarybunny. Her name is AIM = Saevitia Snape, and her name is Vex. Her name is dA = Greer-the-Raven.

World, I'm in love with a girl who's given name is Greer. And Greer, through some strange stroke of fate, is in love with me.

Friends, meet Greer... my love.
/me beams