Weirdo's Words... a.k.a. C4bl3Fl4m3's LJ

Why I Support Paraphilias in the DSM and Why I Won't Sign the NCSF's Petition

2009-11-09T16:34:42Z

No, really, I haven't gone right wing on you all here. I swear. Let me explain.

So, as I know it, the DSM only considers paraphilias (kinks & fetishes) to be harmful under the context of causes distress in everyday life [and that needs to be distress from actual interference, not just a society that doesn't get it] or involves non-consenting parties (pedophilia, frotteurism, etc.). Some people have paraphilias that really are mental disorders for them... it really DOES screw with their lives. (And, of course, having therapy to get rid of these paraphilias doesn't work, just like trying to do reparative therapy to remove YOUR perfectly ok fetish won't work. The best you can do is keep the harmful fetishes under control.) But most people have fetishes and kinks that don't apply under that criteria, and therefore are perfectly ok. And that's the reason I won't sign the NCSF's petition on removing paraphilias from the DSM. (BTW, to those not in the know, the NCSF is the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. The best way I can describe them to my hacker friends is that they're the sex/kink/poly equivalent of the EFF. [And to my sex friends, the EFF, or the Electronic Frontier Foundation, is the NCSF of online and digital rights & freedoms.]) The NCSF's heart is totally in the right place, don't get me wrong here, but they don't realize the specifics of it, and how it would cause harm. People with paraphilias that have actually taken over their lives need help getting their lives back. To not be able to do that anymore would cause more harm than good. (See: my previous post and "no diagnosis = no diagnosis code = no insurance coverage") (Also, removing paraphilias from the DSM would mean that predatory paraphilias would end up being removed as well, and I know that's not what the NCSF had in mind. Granted, I don't know all the details of their petition, but I hope it at least includes a part that would keep things like pedophilia in there.)

However... if I have my knowledge of what's in the DSM wrong and it really does consider them ALL to be mental illness or harmful, then the definition needs to be updated or changed, but NOT removed.

I encourage others to do research themselves and to decide for themselves. And if they decide as I have, I encourage them to contact the NCSF and let them know why they're against it. And if it turns out that the DSM needs to be changed, I encourage people to contact the NCSF and ask them to change the main focus of their cause drive to CHANGING the DSM diagnosis instead of removing it completely.

A little (ok, make that big) note on why I'm ok with GID still being in the DSM.

2009-11-09T06:05:21Z

I know this sounds totally bass-ackwards coming from my mouth, but I'm totally cool with GID being in the DSM and with people being (properly) diagnosed with it.

Before you all start yelling at me saying how being gender-different isn't a disorder, it's just the way we are, let me say... I AGREE WITH YOU. As someone who was born with girlie parts, who was assigned the gender female, but is genderfluid, I know better than most that sometimes I'm a girl, sometimes I'm a boy, and mostly I'm just me, which is more boy than girl.

Then why do I want it in the DSM? Why do I want people to be diagnosed with it?

Because lots of us need therapy dealing with our genders (NOT to change us, but to help us navigate them, and to help us navigate a society that sucks re: our genders), and plenty of people who are FtM and MtF would like to have hormones and/or surgery.

But you know what? INSURANCES WON'T COVER THESE THINGS W/O A DIAGNOSIS. No diagnosis = no diagnosis code = no appropriate treatment. No therapy. No hormones. No surgery. As someone who's gone through years of therapy, and often times have had to deal with BS diagnoses on paper just so I could get the therapy I desperately needed, I understand this more than most. (Not to mention being someone whose Mom worked as an office manager and did all the billing and insurance company work in a large psychiatric practice for many many years.)

So before trying to get rid of GID, how about changing the insurance system so that trans issues are covered? Because right now, I know lots of folks are fighting for trans stuff to be covered at all.

Or, of course, there's always the other option. The controversial one that I'm not supposed to talk about. (But I'm going to anyway, even though I'm terrified I'm going to lose some of my friends.) Which is the option that maybe it is a disorder... BUT THAT'S OK. There's this prevalent thought that if you have a disease or a disorder, that it's BAD and that it must be removed, or at least managed and the person pitied.

As a person who's had to live with a disorder all hir life, and who's been diagnosed with one since age 8, I've TOTALLY fought with the whole self-esteem + acceptance of what I have thing. I've totally gone "if what I am is ok, if there's 'nothing wrong with me', how come there's clearly something wrong with me? " Fuck, I STILL struggle with this. (Ask morningboon about the freaking out, screaming and crying.)You may say left, right and center that being ADHD is ok, or even that there's "no such thing; rather, a society that's not set up for you", but it NEVER changes the fact that I still have my symptoms, and I STILL struggle with everyday tasks. And when you're in the middle of breaking down because you can't do something stupid and simple, it's hard to remember that you are still an ok person.

I think the problem is we equate "ok person" with "normal"... STILL. Despite our acceptance of diversity, we still want to see that diversity as "normal". Which I understand. But I also realize that some things AREN'T normal, and what's fucking wrong with that? Why is it that not normal is judged as bad, and normal is judged as good? Why can't we say "I'm abnormal, and I'm good." and "I'm not normal, and I'm ok."? Normal doesn't mean good or even ok. Think of it more like "average" or "standard deviation". (Would that be sigma 0 or sigma 1? That is, what's the top of the bell curve called? I forget.)

With transgender/GID, the truth is, external gender DOESN'T match internal gender. And so some corrections need to be made. AND WHAT NEEDS TO CHANGE IS THE EXTERNAL GENDER, *NOT* WHAT'S INSIDE. Saying that "nothing's wrong" and "we're fully normal" is screwing ourselves over. There IS something wrong, and many transpeople know it. Their outsides don't match their insides. But that being wrong DOESN'T mean it's BAD. And it doesn't mean we need to fix the insides to match the outsides. Society has tried that, and it doesn't work. (Not to mention in our world we find it a lot more distasteful to try to change someone's personality than their bodies... or have we? [Therapy does seem to be more acceptable than body mods.]) We've found that matching the outsides to the insides works a hell of a lot better, so it's what we do. We don't do "reparative therapy", we play with hormones and clothing and surgery to correct what Nature got wrong, or however you choose to put it.

So, yeah, maybe trans IS a disorder. I mean, it's clear the outsides don't match the insides. But the disordered part is the OUTSIDE, not the inside.

And for those who feel that they don't want it to be called a disorder because of the shame associated with disorders... what about me and my ADHD? And my depression? And my Seasonal Affective Disorder? If I have to live with at least 2 mental disorders and learn to be ok with myself despite that horrible word, perhaps you can learn to be ok with yourself despite that diagnosis. How is it fair to me? By you saying that you need to get rid of the word "disorder" in the term, you're saying that there's something wrong with having a disorder. Which implies that there's something wrong with me having ADHD, SAD, and whatever other Ds, which brings us back around to "if there's nothing wrong with me, why is there something wrong with me?". Nowhere in the word "disorder" is there a word that means "bad". There are parts that mean "lack of order". (And, once again, we assign the value judgement "good" to "order", and let me tell you... as a naturally disordered ADHD person [I can't keep anything tidy, chaos feels better to me than too much order], I get real fucking sick of that value judgement.)

And for those whom the diagnosis doesn't actually help, who are just gender-variant but don't require any kind of physical correction, because they're ok with their bodies, because they're just tomboys or femmeguys, I'm sorry you got misdiagnosed.

And for those who are genderqueer or genderfluid or simply no-ho, no-op, but still feel like the body is wrong, then good on you for choosing (or having to live with) the body you have.

And for those who are genderqueer or genderfluid or no-ho, no-op but are ok with the bodies they have, then good on you for being ok with your body.

I guess in the end I'm saying that if we're going to keep GID as a diagnosis, then the problem isn't having GID as a diagnosis, but the problem is the way it was treated in the past. Remember, diagnoses don't necessarily have to be thrown out... you can just change the treatment.

EDIT: The more I'm learning about the specifics of GID, the more I'm learning how it can be used to screw gender-variant kids over. I think the diagnosis as it lays would be more helpful to be used for adults only. And the whole part of (paraphrased) "causes distress in the home or workplace", whereas that's standard criteria for other disorders, and works well for them (which is why I do actually support paraphilias being in the DSM... but that's another post I'm going to post momentarily), can't really be an accurate assessor when you're talking about a behavior that's considered (wrongly) socially unacceptable. It's society that's fucked up here, not the person.

Questions? Comments (hopefully not too hateful)? Lemme at them!

Writer's Block: What if calories didn't count?

2009-09-18T14:28:26Z

If a magic genie told you your calories wouldn't count for 24 hours, would it change what and how much you ate that day?

View 1264 Answers

Absolutely not. Not one little bit. (Life is too short to count calories. Live hard, die young, and leave a pretty corpse behind.)

Boston!

2009-09-18T02:46:51Z

So I'm flying to Boston tomorrow morning and I'll be there through Wednesday. If you live in Boston and you want to meet up, drop me a line.

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know - from wylddelirium

2009-09-17T20:03:39Z

So apparently I missed Invisible Illness Awareness week, but I thought I'd put this up here anyway. I have invisible disabilities instead of invisible illness, but I thought it was still appropriate. And hopefully helpful to you understanding me more. (If you already knew all of this, let me know. If there was anything that you DIDN'T know that was like "woah!", let me know that too. It's always helpful to know what people do and don't know so that when I'm telling people about it, I know what to talk about.)

(And why the icon? Because I feel like it! And because, honestly, it feels really AWESOME! to be creating awareness around these issues.)

1. The illness I live with is: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD. I also live with chronic depression. I suspect I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I'm not sure if I was ever formally diagnosed with it. Also, whatever undiagnosed mental disorder I have that makes me freak out, panic, or have depression so bad that I get self-abuse desires (physical and emotional). It may just be part of one of the other ones.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: the ADHD was diagnosed in like 1990 or so. 2nd grade. The depression gets diagnosed and changed and rediagnosed off and on. I guess the first diagnosis was in high school. The Seasonal Affective Disorder may have been diagnosed last winter, but I'm not sure what they actually diagnosed me with that time.

3. But I had symptoms since: ADHD, all my life. Depression, pre-HS? SAD, uncertain. Definitely since HS.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: knowing that there's just some things I can't do (or that aren't worth doing in the end). Accepting that there IS something different with my brain and it affects most parts of my life. And the biggest adjustment I *should* make and don't do all the time is that I am more susceptible to having other chemical imbalances affect me, like lack of sleep or lack of food. I can't just skip meals or stay up late (or pull all-nighters or stay up for days) or not get enough sleep and be "normal". It DOES affect my mood, very much. I should make the adjustment to make sure I always get meals when I need them and enough sleep. (But that's not "cool" in geek circles.)

5. Most people assume: With ADHD, that it's just "being hyper" or that it's not real because "you can focus on the things you want to do". There are times when I really REALLY want to do something and I just *can't*. Or that it just deals with learning… it really DOES affect most of my life (including my sex life), and it has side effects or smaller sub-symptoms that affect other parts. There are things that other people just DO that are HARD for me. (See: paying bills) There are things that other people just DO that are damn near impossible for me, and are certainly 99% impossible alone. (See: cleaning up a big mess) I didn't develop properly socially because of it as well. (I've gotten a lot better at that as an adult, but I still have social and behavioral issues sometimes.) Some people (and insurances!) also assume that you grow out of ADHD when you become an adult… the symptoms lessen a bit, but they're still there.

With the SAD, that it's just about light. It's NOT. Feeling cold or being in a cold, windy environment makes me depressed too, something that my last therapist (who has SAD herself) understood. (Hell, even the cold and/or dark and dreary areas of Azeroth in WoW make me depressed when I play them. There's a reason I'm not crazy about Dun Morogh or Darkwood or that fucking swamp area.)

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Getting moving and doing what needs to get done and getting out the door w/o my medication having kicked in yet.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: SCRUBS! (well, pre-them changing networks)

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: some kind of day planner or calendar, whether physical or digital/electronic. I used my homework assignment book CONSTANTLY in HS. When I have a PDA, I'm totally dependent on whatever program works with it that I can keep my schedule or my to-do list, both personal and work. Right now it's the iPod Touch and iCal, but it's also been a Palm and Microsoft Outlook.

9. The hardest part about nights are: 2 different things. 1.) the fact that most awesome things happen at night, but I'm off my meds then (I wish people would have play parties in the middle of the day when I could be on my Adderall) and 2.) the fact that my depression is the worst during the night time and that nights can be VERY rough for me, self-abuse wise. I physically hurt myself the most at night, and the emotional abuse is REAL bad then and I'm real susceptible to it. Also, I seem to fight the most with my lovers late at night.

10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins: If I'm on a regular schedule, Adderall 2x a day. If I'm on a depression medication, then whatever its schedule is.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: strongly prefer Western medicine. Yoga, meditation, and the like can have some benefits, but I don't believe in it for a cure. I'm very reality based when it comes to these things and don't like the woo-woo stuff much at all.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Neither, obviously. But I think I'd go visible so that people would think it's REAL and take me serious for it.

13. Regarding working and career: It's really rough. I've lost quite a few jobs to depression now, but can't prove it. The depression can make focus really difficult as well, so it's a double whammy with the ADHD. I've had to change fields from corporate tech to non-corporate tech to sexual educator. I'm earning FAR under my earning potential and taking jobs far under my skill set because of my disabilities, and it really kinda pisses me off. Hopefully this will change with the sexual educator thing. But there are days I don't want to work on the sex ed thing, and being self-employed means you have to have that umph, that fire in the belly, to keep striving for more work. Which is something that I just do not have, for the most part. I'm HORRIBLE at that part.

14. People would be surprised to know: the ADHD really DOES affect my sex life. For the most part, if you're not interacting with my mind at the same time you're interacting with my body, I'm bored as hell. I can get bored during the middle of intercourse, if it's not good for me. It can be real hard to be present during sex because of it. (Not to mention most of the time you have sex is when I have to be off my meds.)

Some people would be surprised to know that I even DO suffer from depression. I have a reputation in some circles as only hyper, almost manic. (It's because when I'm out with a large group of people I feel comfortable with, it invigorates me. I really AM a social creature, an extrovert.)

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: there's not really a "new" reality for me. I've been living with these things so long that it's just how it's always been for me. Which is really kinda sad when you think about it.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: be content. Not just happy, but CONTENT.

17. The commercials about my illness: act like only kids have it (ADHD) or make it sound like that all you have to do to get rid of depression is take a drug and it's gone. (I've tried most SSRIs and none of them ever did anything for me. I tried a tricyclic but got pulled off it because of heart issues. But it was the only thing that ever made me not depressed.)

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: n/a.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: the thought that I'll ever be just like everyone else. I'll never be 110% fully functional. I'll ALWAYS have some struggle. I can get functional, and I can get close, but it will never be easy, like it is for most people. There are things that other people just DO and I REALLY struggle with, like keeping house.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: there really isn't anything. I mean, I know more about mental disorders now, but that was just the normal learning process to learn how to deal with it that just happened because I grew up with the ADHD.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: do whatever it would take to make that day the rest of my life. 1 day is not enough to do what I REALLY want to do. I want to be able to be happy and succeed in the long run. I can do it for short periods of time already, but it always falls apart.

22. My illness has taught me: I don't know if it's taught me one thing, but I know that, at least to me, I feel like my life has this cross to bear in it, and that learning from it is what happens. It's certainly taught me that people make assumptions. Or that some people just don't UNDERSTAND you can't always get around an illness/disability. Sometimes there's some things you just can't DO.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "Have you tried..." (well, this is when it comes up casually with people. If I'm sitting down specifically for advice, that's different.) or "My __________ has it and he can/can't ________ so you should do/not do __________." (We are all NOT the same, thanks. I know best, after years of dealing with it, what works for me. Especially when it comes to [random!] people telling me how to take my medication.)

Also "ADHD isn't real… it's that society isn't shaped right to work with people with ADHD." Well, I'll agree with the last part, but that doesn't make ADHD any less real. I actually had this talk with some crunchy granola types once and I ended up convincing them, through my actual real life examples, that, no, it really IS real, and we really DO struggle, even when we're outside of society's influence.

24. But I love it when people: roll with it. Roll with the punches with me, emotionally. Don't treat me like a spaz.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "It will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." (This is what the person I copied the quiz from put, and it's actually the one I use too. :-) )

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: It's better to know than not know, but don't think that now you know everything's going to magically get better. This is the START of the journey, not the end.

(If it's a kid diagnosed with ADHD [esp. if they're going to take meds], I'd like to tell them "You and only you get to decide who you are. You and only you get to decide which you [the one on the meds or the one off the meds] is the REAL you. And really, they're both you." and "You should be the only one who gets to decide, in the end, if you take medication or not. Inform yourself, and if you want to, great. If you try it and you don't like it, it's also your choice.")

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How people STILL really DON'T treat mental illness as equal to a physical illness. (It's better than it was, at least in the US. [Canada's way behind, surprisingly enough.]) They still think you should be able to just "get around it", or "push through it", or "try harder". Some even think you're faking it.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Stood by my side (figuratively) and didn't freak out or run away (figuratively). Stayed up with me through the long, crappy night, talking to me for HOURS, trying to talk me out of the emotional self-abuse I was putting myself through, never tiring, never fatiguing (or at least not showing it), being willing to go through hell and back with me. (And this is why morningboon is, indeed, my Angel of the Morning. He must have dealt with a hundred freak outs by now, and he still hasn't run or left me or got anywhere near leaving me over it. That's a BIG FUCKING DEAL to me.)

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: it's important to hear our real stories (and it's especially important to tell them to the psychiatric profession… our real life stories and struggles are more important in treating us than what you learned in med school and what the DSM & the various studies say) and realize that the people you pass on the street that look "normal" may, in fact, have an illness or disability you don't know about.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: glad you care. I don't feel like I gave a full picture of what life is to me, but I did hit upon a few key parts, maybe a bit more than I should have (in that it got a bit activisty and ranty).

My Guests?

2009-08-04T10:50:50Z

So you might have seen the My Guests feature thing. I wish it would let you choose separately if you are anonymous vs. if your guests are anonymous, but since it doesn't, I'm giving you the choice.

View Poll: My Guests - Anonymous or Not?

In a week, I'll tally it up and change my blog accordingly. (Personally? I'm leaning towards anonymous. I know how people can be about privacy.)

And, really, I'm surprised no one's bitched at LJ about this yet. Everyone should have the right to choose for themselves whether or not they lurk anonymously.

Back in the Saddle Again

2009-08-04T10:45:17Z

I'm in Toronto now, for those who are curious. With my mom this time. So if you want to reach me, email really is the best way, followed by calling my Toronto cell phone.

XKCD Hits It On The Head AGAIN.

2009-07-29T21:46:42Z

Holy FUCK, this is so me. (And yes, I copied over the tooltip. The girl they're talking about, with the balls? Check out this one: http://xkcd.org/150/)

Am I the only one who has noticed that we ALL think that way, yet no one's talking about it? I mean some of us talk about it with our friends, but for a phenomenon that's as universal as that, you'd think that it would be all over mainstream media, right up there with the first kiss and losin' your sweetie. (Apparently somewhere it was decided that it's not acceptable to talk about, or at very least, no one wants to lose face. Fuck that noise, I say.)

Sutures and Ordeals

2009-07-25T21:39:03Z

I'm at Crucible's Medical Academy. I just got two sutures through my leg. The first one was a 4-0 suture, silk. Pretty big needle. And it was the top's first suture. It was the most excruciating experience of my life... possibly even worse than having appendicitis. But I did it. And I'm so fucking proud of myself. The 2nd one was 5-0 nylon with a reverse cuttin needle done by an M.D. It was... tolerable. The first one I'd do again ONLY if my lover REALLY wanted to do it to me as a sign of my love. The second one? Eh, I'd do it again.

So yeah. I took sutures without anestetic. I am STRONG. :-D

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Clearing Up Misconceptions

2009-07-17T15:01:12Z

So apparently some of my friends are confused as to where I'm living these days, as they told a mutual friend that I'm living in Canada, like for good. I'm not angry or accusatory right now, I'm just trying to set the record straight here so that people understand and when mutual friends ask them what's going on with me, they'll be able to tell correct information to them.

No, I'm not living in Canada for good. At least not yet. That may be further down the road... and further than we both initially thought a few months (even weeks!) ago. I'm quite a bit intimidated by customs and immigration and the process even for getting a work visa or a student visa. (Not to mention I don't think I'm at a point where I could attend school successfully.) Suffice it to say, though, that my future over the next year to 18 months is up in the air. Next six months though, we're pretty sure on.

I still have my place in Takoma Park. My rats (2 now... Annie died a few months ago. She was sick, so I'm glad she's not suffering anymore. Emma has a large growth on her butt... it's probably just a benign mammary tumor [it's common in females, esp. when they get older], but I'm getting it checked out next week. Emma's still eating and acting perfectly normal for her, though. Margaret/Maggie is same old, same old. ) and my fish (still 3 of them... Moby, Pinky & The Brain) are still there. My housemate is kind enough to take care of them while I'm gone.

I have been splitting my time between Toronto and DC, though. I spent all of June there, and I'm going to be spending all of August there as well. Mom + I are going to be driving up on the 3rd of August, after she drops Daddy off at National to visit his nephew and his family (and go fishing!) in Alaska.

After that? Well, I might be spending some of September there. October's up in the air, but I'd like to be able to be there for Canadian Thanksgiving, which is in October. That being said, I want more for morningboon to come down to DC for BR '09 which is over Halloween. So we're really trying to work this out. So if you want to meet him, it'll be then. I'd like him to be here for American Thanksgiving, but that might be really hard, as he doesn't get those days off work. (Stupid holidays not intersecting.) Christmas? I have a very vague idea of going up there to spend it with him, possibly even visiting his Dad's place in Nova Scotia, but that's very vague, and I'm not sure how crazy he is about the idea of going back there for Christmas. He hasn't been back since he left there X number of years ago.

I'm definitely going to spend at least a month there this coming winter, if not a few consecutive months. I know, you think I'm crazy. Why would I want to spend winter some place worse than here, when I already have seasonal affective disorder and I already hate winters here? Well, because I need to see if I can HANDLE the winter there. Because if I can't, we seriously have to think about my moving up there on a more permanent basis. Or figure something out that lets me winter over in the States.

So that's what my future looks like for now.

Fetishism & Objectification (or how they DON'T have to go hand in hand)

2009-07-15T23:26:50Z

(x-posted from FetLife, sans a quote someone wrote on there that I haven't gotten permission to x-post)

Sometimes the calling to be a sexual educator can be REAL frustrating.

For example...

If I have to tell kinksters/BDSMers/Leatherfolk ONE MORE FUCKING TIME that there's nothing wrong with having fetishes, and there's nothing wrong with BEING someone's fetish, so long as at the end of the day, the person fetishizing you treats you as a person, as a human being, and not just a hunk of meat... well... if I have to say this one more god damned time, I swear, my head will asplode.

So you know what? I'm going to say it again. And the next time someone pulls the "I hate it when people see my ___________ as a fetish. I want to be seen as a whole person, not just for ___________" or the "________ chasers creep me out", I'm going to point them in this direction.

I think the problem is fetishists have a tendency to get so wrapped around their fetish (which, btw, is part of what MAKES it a fetish and not just a predilection) that they forget there's a person inside. I think in the end, all these people that don't want to be someone's fetish... they really don't care if they're someone's fetish. They just want to be treated and thought of as a person, as a human being, and quite rightfully so.

So... yeah. Ethical fetishists, or people who sit down and think critically about their sexuality, or perhaps one might like the phrase "feminist fetishists" better, remember that the person is indeed a person first and treats them as such. It's the OTHER fetishists that give us a bad rap.

I Wonder If Life Is Really Like This

2009-07-15T16:57:28Z

'Cause, if so, I'm going to have to do some SERIOUS rethinking about my thoughts on humanity and the way I approach people at large. (And, yes, I copied over the tooltip text as well.)

New England Sex Ed Tour!

2009-07-14T16:18:55Z

So my Boston trip seems to be turning into a New England tour. I have a group in Albany that possibly wants me and a group in Hartford that might want me. (And, yes, finmagik, if I'm in Albany, I'd love for you to come and see me. Unfortunately, I won't have a car, so I can't come to you.)

If they all decide to go for it, it'll be tricky to work them all out, but I'm gonna try.

TESFest '09 Core Dump... you want in on it?

2009-07-14T02:02:32Z

So I'm taking my brain dump and I'm making it friends only, as quite a bit of what I wrote about were things concerning OTHER people and I didn't exactly get permission from all of them to post them. But they were all things I saw and they were all things I want to write about in my diary. So I'm making them friends only. If you want on this list to read my core dump, and you're not already seeing it, let me know. If you want your name (which is currently your fetlife name or the name you were presenting under) changed to your LJ name, that's perfectly fine (I'll do it eventually for the people whose LJs I know). If you want your name turned into just initials, that's fine too.

To the kinksters out there, this entry is also x-posted into my FetLife journal, so you don't have to ask to be added... just check it out on FetLife!

Boston? BOSTON!

2009-07-13T23:21:33Z

I'm working out the details to present on Robots, Dollies and Mind Control (a.k.a. "The winterroseasfr Class") in Boston in mid-September. If you or your group want me to present for you as well while I'm there, go check out http://c4bl3fl4m3.googlepages.com/aboutc4bl3fl4m3 and see what you want me to present and drop me a line! Getting a travel stipend from you would mean that I wouldn't have to beg for crash space on someone's couch.

This will be an awesome thing to put on my sexual educator resume/CV. (When is it a CV and not a resume? I'm not sure.)

That being said... BOSTON! SQUEE! I've always wanted to visit there! And there's good deals on travel to there from both Toronto using Porter (SQUEE! MOAR PORTER!) or from BWI using Southwest. So perhaps this will be the end of my August Toronto trip?

Also, anyone know anyone in Boston I can crash with? (Radical Faeries, Hackers, Sex-Positive Folk, whatever.) Or, at very least, anyone know of any hella cheap hostels or the like?

Return to the Old, in a Way...

2009-07-13T17:26:38Z

Back in DC. Talking to winterroseasfr on the phone. Honestly, I couldn't ask for a better ex. We're still really good friends and we still really enjoy each other's company. He was even looking forward to seeing me at Dragon*Con, which I'm not going to be attending now. (Perhaps I can talk him into going to BR?) I asked him if I could just come down and visit sometime, and he said that would be cool. So perhaps I have to haul my ass down his way again. Or perhaps I can convince him to come to Toronto, although I doubt that'll happen.

STOP! [Big] Apple Time!

2009-07-06T18:02:14Z

I'm in NYC now. If you want to hang, call my cell or email me. Or you could just comment here.

META!

2009-07-04T20:53:40Z

I'm on a panel about sex blogging. And I'm blogging.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Suckage & Awesome & TESFest

2009-07-02T13:39:38Z

The suckage is having to leave morningboon. Which was obvious suckage.

The awesome, however, is flying Porter Airlines. No hassles, a 2 min. ferry ride, VERY friendly staff, no waiting, a large lounge with complimentary beverages and snacks and a great coffee machine, free wifi, and even some Macs set up around with free Internet... and they're not set up special to block you out of using programs and stuff. In fact, I'm looking out at the airstrip now, writing at you on a Mac. All in all, I feel pampered... glad to be here instead of having to suffer the indignities of air travel along with my mourning of leaving morningboon.

I'm heading to Newark (EWR), and then heading to TESFest. Apparently I'm speaking on a panel of sex bloggers. I don't think of myself as a sex blogger, but I do write about sex, BDSM and gender in my diary here. (I'm realizing I haven't written about it in a while. I'm going to have to remedy that.) And it's technically a blog. I'm actually kinda excited about my volunteer shifts. I'm doing the panel, I'm taking care of the People of Size Swim, and I'm DMing for 4 hours.

I'm lucky that I'm going to a con after leaving morningboon. It's a lot better than me just going home to be alone and lonely. I'm going to spend days with my friends, doing something I love, and that's good.

So yes... I'll see you all at TESFest. If you see me, say hi! Hugs and snuggles are always good too.

Trans Pride!

2009-06-26T23:00:02Z

Tonight's the Trans Pride March. Here's the sign I'm carrying.

And, yes, the rainbow part was done in glitter. :-D

Moar Hair Pics

2009-06-23T19:13:26Z

Taken yesterday near the salon in the Village. It's PRIDE! :-D (I'm going to make this pic into my new default icon)

This morning, after shower and styling. I've always wanted to be able to do my hair this way! (That and I love the smell of Goth Juice hair gel and I wanted to be able to use it in my hair.)

Big Change

2009-06-23T03:47:33Z

I did it. I finally went out and cut my hair off. I blame morningboon for making me follow through with it. (It was scary. I like the cut, and it suits me, but I don't know if I like it FOR me. Except I hate the back.) I'm looking forward to streaking it red and fauxhawking it and spiking it. I got it cut in the Gay Village (Church & Wellesley) at a place called Ho's. Yeah, I know. I was getting it done and the gay boy next to me started talking about getting a Pride haircut and I told him how I was getting something dykey because I was tired of people thinking I was straight and he was like "Oh, yeah, LOTS of people get Pride haircuts."

Pics below.

I kept freaking out tonight seeing my reflection. I'm also worried that I cut off the only pretty part of me.

Writer's Block: Conversion Rate

2009-06-18T00:43:25Z

Have you ever considered converting to another religion?

View 504 Answers

How does one convert when one's own spirituality already embraces multiple faiths? I know, sounds like a sneaky answer, but it's true. To anyone who's read my journal for a long time, you know that I have a habit of learning about religion, taking what works for me, and doing it. You also know I have a habit of not BELIEVING anything or having any kind of FAITH, but rather worshipping because it feels good and right to me. Much the same reason I have sex or do BDSM. (Although I think I actually have more beliefs and faith in sex than in religion. Go figure.)

But those who've been reading for a while know that I wasn't raised that way... I was raised Roman Catholic. 9 years of Catholic school (K-8), 4 more years of church every Sunday in high school, and always being active in the Church, including 9 years of altar serving. How/why did I convert then? Well, I began to realize that I only believed because it was what I was taught to believe. When I started to really think about it on my own, I realized... no, I actually DON'T believe in these teachings. I believed that Jesus, who some call the Christ, if he existed at all, was a good man who did some pretty cool things and had some amazing teachings. But do I believe that he's my Lord and Savior? No, not really. Do I believe I need a Savior for my immortal soul? No. Do I even believe in a Soul? Uncertain, leaning towards no.

For a while, I tried really hard to be a hard Agnostic. No spirituality, no church, no rituals, nothing like that. And it sucked. I was empty, I was lonely. Then again, it also was a very difficult time in my life. But after a while, the Mass called me back, for the beauty and the familiarity, not for the content. And I met miscreeds and I learned more about his faith, Judaism. And I realized that it called to me too. And so I started incorporating teachings and rituals from other faiths into my life. And through following that path, as the years went by, I learned more and more about other faiths (because learning about religion is fascinating), and it brought me to where I am now. An eclectic who believes in little, but feels much. I'm actually at a point where I'm curious about Islam (yes, it's due to watching Little Mosque on the Prairie).

Hmm... I like that. "An eclectic who believes in little, but feels much." It's much shorter than my formal title, which is "Agnostic Spiritual Humanist with Unitarian Universalist and liberal Jewish leanings who also derives spirituality from the Roman Catholic mass and Pagan ritual".

ZOMG POUTINE!

2009-06-15T17:16:25Z

I made poutine. Nom nom nom. (Possibly the best bad-for-you food in the world.)

And, yes, those are real cheddar cheese curds. One of the advantages to living in Canada is that you can actually GET them at your local supermarket.

AND ZOMG I'M EATING IT AND THE CURDS ARE *SQUEAKING!* YAY! IT'S *REAL*! (Well, ok, if I want REAL, I'm going to have to not buy "poutine sauce" and rather go to Quebéc and get some from a street vendor. But STILL. I was told squeaking curds are the sign of "real" poutine.)

I didn't quite get the proportions right. Too much gravy and cheese, not enough fries. And I didn't make the gravy hot enough to melt the cheese. But that's ok. Something to work towards next time.

How To Use Your iTunes Account When You're In A Different Country

2009-06-08T17:32:27Z

I know I can't be the only one who had this problem, and asking the (admittedly cute) chick at the Apple store at the Eaton Centre didn't help (her answer was wrong), so here's how to get at YOUR iTunes account when you're visiting a different country.

So I'm an American and I use my AOL account to access the iTunes store. But when I'm on my boyfriend's computer up in Canada, it doesn't give me the option to use my AOL account, namely because it's showing me the Canadian iTunes Store. So I just can't buy, right? No, I also can't DL album covers and do other things like use Genius. Well, here's how I get it to let me use my AOL account to sign it... I force it to use the US iTunes Store.

1.) Click iTunes Store
2.) Click Sign In
3.) Click "Create New Account" or whatever.
4.) When it gives you the iTunes agreement, there's a link that says something like "if your bank account is not Canadian [or whatever country you're in], click here". Click that link.
5.) It then gives you a drop down list where you choose a country. Because my iTunes/AOL account is American, I choose US.
6.) It then loads the US iTunes Store. Click "Sign In" again.
7.) Sign in to your account.

Let me know if this works (or doesn't work) for you for countries different from the US and Canada, ok?