Don't talk about politics or don't use my real name.

I still need a gender icon.

Oh, and I'm sick as a dog right now. God, it fucking sucks.


Oh, and wanna see pics of winterroseasfr and me? Here...
( ZOMG PICS INSIDE )

Should I have a birthday party? My birthday is next Tuesday. What do you think?

Or maybe I should just go to BR:TNG "happy hour"?

YAY! herodotusjr totally called me when I've totally been missing him something horrible lately. (I cried 2x in a week over missing him, one in public.)

So, yeah, a random call from your best friend = WIN. Especially when you totally get to call each other n00b the whole time. :-)

Let's see here...

I'm spending the night (maybe 2) at my house while winterroseasfr does his solitude thing at his house. It's our first time apart since we met and I was scared about it, but less than 5 minutes in to it, I started looking around and being psyched... so much to CLEAN! So much to DO! So right now the tub and the toilet are soaking in cleaner.

I seem to be coming down with something. My throat hurts and my nose is all stuffed up. I don't think the dust in this house is helping... I should dust, too. Rose is allergic to dust and doesn't like spending time at my place because of it.

Speaking of Rose and I... I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but we've decided to become partnered in SecondLife. Since rob_t_firefly is officially clergy in First Life via his coven, and is offically a SecondLife geek like us (find him as Rob Triskaidekaphobia), and also is officially cool in doing a ceremony of celebration of love and intention to follow that love, a ceremony that doesn't imply gender or monogamy or even species (as Rose is a Gynoid Mechanical or Doll in SL, as well as a Time Lord/Lady and a Type 102 TARDIS as well)... anyway, since Rob is AWESOMESAUCE like that, we're having Rob do a ceremony for us, a non-SL official one, but meaningful to us just the same (imagine it to be like a church wedding for a gay couple that isn't official for the state, but official for the church). We were going to make the ceremony a private thing, as Rose didn't want to invite any of hir SL friends, but if you really wanna be there, let me know and you're welcome to come, as zie doesn't mind if my friends come. Anyway, I decided to get the official portion over with, having proposed to r last night (yes, r is the pronoun of choice for WinterRose in SL... r meaning robot) via the SL system... and r accepted. So we're now partnered by the "state" in SL.

And now I go get my Throat Coat tea.

kateorman posted about fandomsecrets and got me sucked in. I'd post the below there, but it's too long. That and I realized that people can still slam people in the comments, and the last thing I need is a slamming comment about this. (Hell, it's in part ABOUT slamming comments.)

*****

As I read fandomsecrets and I think back to my own life, I realize exactly how much fandom has given to the lives of all of us fans, how it has changed our lives irrevocably, and how it has given to us more than we can ever express. And then I think of how people get their hearts trounced by fellow fans every day, w/o those other fans thinking of the impact it may have upon the person they're trouncing. They don't think that perhaps the person is going through a rough time and fandom is all they have to get them through it. Hell, they don't even think that maybe it's ok for the other person to slash/pair/ship/crack whatever they want, because in the end, noone really gets hurt.

I also see all of the self-deprecating and self-hatred posts in FandomSecrets... all of the things people want to say or ship and are terrified to because they're afraid fandom may trample all over their little fangirl or fanboy hearts.

And I think it's all such a fucking travesty.

I'd like to have a single day where noone in any fandom puts anyone else down. Where everyone who has ever wanted to fan over anything or ship whomever can come out and do it w/o shame or fear.

It would be the greatest day ever.

And then maybe we could do another day like that. And another. And another.

Yes, people could still express their dislike or distaste for something, but it wouldn't be in a way that attacks anyone else. Noone would feel bad about it... differences in taste happen and that's ok.


Secret: I truly do hope that someday, I'll be able to come back out of the fandom closet I was run into. It's so bad that I'm afraid to write fic at all anymore, even outside my fandom. (TRUFAX!) I hope someday my fear of having my heart smashed into a million pieces again will leave. I want to walk in the sun again. And I want fandom in general to be a better place. But until then, I now RP with my lover anything I would have written into a pr0n!fic, for with him I never have to worry about being mocked for my (really not that unusual, really) tastes and desires.

Super Secret: Fandom? You think my sexual tastes and desires are perverse? Hell, you should know the really rare kink I have that I DON'T stick in with my fandom desires.

Let's see here.

Rose finally told me he loved me last Thursday. It was an accident, but a happy one. :-)

He's VERY handsome when he cleans up and dresses up.


It seems my biological clock has started ticking. I've been having dreams about babies and I've been thinking about babies a lot lately. I totally don't want to get pregnant or have kids (and now REALLY wouldn't be a good time anyway), but, yeah... how did others who didn't want to have kids beat down their biological clocks? 'Cause it's kinda insistent and strong and I'm afraid that I won't be able to fight it off after a while. Any ideas?

I've never had a "first car". I've never owned a car.

However.

I learned how to drive on my mother's Geo Prizm. Small car, bluish green. From the early 90s. Automatic. It's a 4 cylinder, is cozy, has been on many, many, many trips, and has tons and tons of memories. It's where I came out to my mom as bi.

She's thinking of selling it soon and getting a new one. I'll miss it if she does.

Oh, I forgot. niyamas has pics of himself up now. And he's not usually very photogenic, but these look like him. So go look. http://www.oblivionandleather.com/niy/

Spending some time alone in winterroseasfr's room. He's downstairs watching "Planet of the Ood" with B (WiseGuy's youngest kid). I didn't want to watch as I find watching Doctor Who w/o subtitles or captioning to be so terribly frustrating... I don't catch half of what people say half of the time. And the only way to solve that is to turn it up loud, but it's late and we don't want to wake anyone.

So I was having a mood swing and decided to come up here and lay down. But instead I've been doing a bit of catchup on select journals, reading my old entries, and listening to some music I've DLed. It's really nice to spend this time with myself, especially listening to music from my collection. (Rose's and my collection overlap like 1%. We have a lot of the same enjoyment tastes, but hardly any of the same songs.)

I'm feeling moody, tired, worn out. Fucking period. I hate how I lose myself a few days every month. I hate how it makes me emotionally weak.

Ah. Norwegian Wood just came on. That song relaxes me. It's my mother's favorite Beatles song.

...I miss my mother.

And Rose has just popped his head in. I have to admit, I wish he hadn't. I was enjoying being by myself. He's just asked me if I want some time. Honestly, I'm not sure

I'm just... tired, I suppose. Perhaps I should just go to sleep. *sigh*

I just got my economic stimulus check. $600.

I can pay my bills.

LIFE IS FREAKIN' SCHWEET.

/me goes crazy

/me has to restrain myself from buying all the things I want (instead of all the things I need)

***

On other notes, other than some personal injuries (my heel is killing me, and my knee is making strange crunching sounds every time I walk up stairs), everything is wonderful. Rose and I have been having fun, and living with WiseGuy and his kids is totally awesome. I've grown rather attached to these teenage boys, living with them, laughing with them, teasing them, teaching them and having them teach me. I think I'm starting to see why people have kids. When it's good, it's amazingly great. I feel blessed to have these guys in my life. SRLSY.

Oh, and fun was had by me, winterroseasfr and asimaiyat. Kinky Doctor Who fun. I'll have to tell you about it sometime. :-)

I miss my friends from Faeries. I was going to come tonight, but my foot is hurting too much. :-( I need to find out when Walpurgisnacht and Beltane is for them.


I'll write more later sometime.

Back in DC. Probably going to be spending lots of time at WiseGuy's house, because, well, it's just a SO much better house. (He told me to spend as much time there as I'd like. His words exactly.) Also, because his sons are awesome people. Had a fantastically great conversation on ethics, spirituality, atheism, and more last night with I., the oldest son he has that lives with him. He's applying to St. John's College in Annapolis, the place I almost went to. I think it's a good fit for him, based on what he seems to be into right now. He's never been there before, so winterroseasfr and I are going to take him there sometime this weekend, as I'd been wanting to show Annapolis to Rose anyway, and I certainly wouldn't mind seeing a bit of the old campus myself. I liked that place... shame it went down the way things did. (Oh, well, I would have never met Dan that way, and had I never met Dan, there's a good chance I wouldn't be sitting here right now writing in my diary.)

So, yeah, we're back in the area. Any of you that would like to hang out (I'm looking at asimaiyat, asciilifeform and devvieish, and RS in particular here, although I'd also like to go to Faeries with Rose) drop me a line on my cell phone, which I will be keeping with me, keeping on for the most part and keeping charged.

Rose is currently on my bed, taking a post-coital nap. He's kinda boring when he sleeps... he just LAYS there. But he's the only person I know who can snore when awake. When he starts to fall towards sleep, his breathing shifts into that snoring thing. It's interesting. (We've invested in some earplugs for me so we can sleep together and I don't want to murder him. It's crucial.)

Oh, and I called up niyamas this morning and he was sick as a fucking dog. So I hope he gets better soon. (I'm sure spiralsong will take very good care of him.)

OH! And yesterday at WiseGuy's house, it was a D&D campaign day and someone else that I used to know at NARA was there (along with his wife and kid), someone I have thought about since then quite a few times and hadn't seen in years. It was so good to see him again, and I totally hope to hang out with him again sometime soon.

And you know what else was good? We all sat down for dinner yesterday together, and there were 11 of us all around that table. Eleven geeks, all sitting down and sharing a meal together. It was a WONDERFUL sense of family, and it made me (and Rose as well) feel so good. Sometimes I wish I lived in a large house with a big geek family made of friends and lovers and we'd all share geek comradery together.

Life is TOTALLY what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

At around 2:30 am, we finally retire to bed, later than we'd like, but with most everything packed. We're supposed to leave at 7 am.

About 10-15 mins ago, I wake up to noise.

Turns out that a flying squirrel has managed to make its way into Rose's bedroom while we were packing tonight. He's calling up the operator to see if we can find the county or state animal control to have them remove the animal. (Surprisingly, searches for this on the Internet have been fruitless... or maybe we're just stupid via lack of sleep right now. I know I feel like it.)

Why is it that the best laid plans 'o mice and men often go awry?

Oy. I'm tired and I just wanted to get some sleep so we can get this thing over with.

I think we're going to nap a bit at Mema and Granddad's tomorrow. Perhaps even see if we can crash for the night.

Doctor Who, Season 4, Ep. 1? ZOMG FANGIRL SQUEE AMAZING AAAAAAAAH!!! So many squee worthy moments. There is some stuff that I have some issues with, but I'll give it a shot. I'm afraid that Doctor Who is going downhill in an irretreviable way (I wasn't that pleased with season 3, and I'm worried about season 4), but dude... NEW DOCTOR WHO EPS!!!

Watching it with winterroseasfr was amazing, as we both fanned out together over it and there was much squee from both of us.

I'm heading back to DC with Rose's stuff in tow either Thursday or Friday. We're leaving early in the morning so we can take a bit of a detour and visit Mema and Granddad (my mother's parents) in Williamsburg for most of the day. I haven't seen them in ages and I miss them. That and, well, they're getting up there in years, so it only makes sense to visit them whenever I can.

I'm looking forward to hanging out at WiseGuy's house this weekend some. Apparently, I used to work with him years ago and one of our old coworkers that I'm sad I lost touch with is going to be there for a D&D game, so it'll be cool to see him again. That and WiseGuy's teenage sons are really cool people and geeky to boot.

Let's see, what else.

Oh.

Something I didn't tell you. Rose has an overall plan to move out to Los Angeles and work in the gaming industry and become a voice actor. He was initially going to do it within the next 6 months, but I convinced him to put it on hold for a year to a year and a half so that I can go with him.

No, this is not some example of me being head over heels and following a man like a puppydog. I've wanted to escape DC for a while now, and I've wanted to head west to California for years, but never had the gumption to do it myself. Having a friend and/or lover that's doing it with me will be a big help. Even if Rose and I aren't together at that point in time, we'll still be friends and I still want to go anyway. I'm a little concerned as I'm afraid I won't like LA, but being out there will be closer to being in San Francisco, which is where my career probably lies. Although I'm sure there's also a sex positive scene in LA.

So, yeah. Driving cross country to move to California in a year to a year and a half. Exciting, but cool. Scary, but something I've always wanted to do. You've seen me mention getting out of DC in my LJ before. Now I just have more solid plans on it.

***

Later today, I'm going to be meeting up with a guy named Shawn. I met him months and months ago through the feeder/erotic weight gain scene and we talked a lot last Fall and did a lot of Skyping. He was supposed to come up and visit me right before Thanksgiving but then his car broke down and he couldn't. Well, a few days ago, I remembered that, wait, didn't he live in North Carolina? Turns out he lives about 20 miles from here. So we're meeting up today, hanging out, going out to eat, and probably playing. I may or may not be spending the night with him.

I'll admit, this is my first time having a date with someone else who's into erotic weight gain. It's my first time having someone with whom I can play with this in the bedroom and who also has the same sexual attraction to it that I have. This excites me very greatly, and makes me a little nervous.

So, yeah, wish me luck on that one.

I miss Mark. And niyamas.

:-(

We just finished getting ep. 1 of season 4 of Doctor Who. I'm about to sit down and watch it with winterroseasfr. This is absolutely wonderful, because I've been wondering for a few months who I was going to watch the beginning of the new season with and how I was going to make it special. I was kinda worried that I'd end up watching it at home, alone, lonely. I'm glad I have a fellow Whovian to geek out over it with. :-)

I'll make another post after we watch it with my impressions. Which may or may not involve spoilers.

In Concord, North Carolina. Packing, making copious love, talking through important relationship issues, and totally getting ourselves distracted with geekness on the Internet.

Not much else, really. Miss you all, wish we could hang out together sometime soon.

winterroseasfr is a little, oh, I don't know... nostalgically sad? about leaving his home, or, more accurately, his office. As much as he's 20 different types of ready to get out of here, it only makes sense that he's a bit sad about leaving his sanctuary behind. I suppose all I can do is be here, support him, listen and empathize.

I do miss my friends. I do hope we can hang out when we get back in town.

Bad News: Couldn't find a place for winterroseasfr to stay, so we're not going up to NYC. I will come up eventually though.

Good News: He has a place to stay here in DC while he looks for a job and a more permanent home. WiseGuy was kind enough to put him up. Which means he's definitely moving here.

We're going to winterroseasfr's home in North Carolina in a few days for about a week or so while he gets everything all sorted out there. I'm kinda looking forward to it, as we'll be seeing his friend Ru'etha again too, and, well, she's kinda hot. :-D

Hi everyone!

I'm still alive. winterroseasfr is still here. I'm letting him sleep an extra hour as he was desperately tired when I woke him up this morning.

Things are getting more complicated here in Blissland, but we've been doing the important talking and working through the logistical issues. It's NICE to be able to be this openly honest and to talk about the things on our minds.

We still don't have our tickets to NYC because I STILL haven't found a place for him to stay. Neither rob_t_firefly nor nyghtowl have been able to come through for us, which is ok, I suppose. As much as I'm loathe to do it, I do hope that miscreeds will put both of us up. Because I'm running out of ideas for places for him to stay for free. (I wish I had a better couchsurfing.com reputation (right now I have none), because if I did, it would make finding a free couch a lot easier.) Anyway, I know how miscreeds can be a little, oh, I suppose jealous would be the honest word here, when I bring up wanting to bring a lover along, because I know how much he still likes me, but... *shrug*.

I'm honestly not sure if I'm going if I can't find a place for winterroseasfr to stay.

Let's see here. We went up to my parents' house earlier this week. Tuesday evening through Friday afternoon. We took it easy, had fun with hypnotic trance, made some nice love, RPed various roles with each other, oh, and we went up to Kings Gap, which was gorgeous as always. Did more thrift store shopping. I got some KILLER red "leather" pants.

Saw niyamas on Friday. Wherein I considerably freaked out over the poly thing, even though neither of them were freaking out... they were both very very cool with each other over it. Niy & I had dinner and a drink, and then we went back to my place, where winterroseasfr + Niy did various things to me like putting me into hypnotic trance, or tying me up with rope, or just simply snuggling with me while we talked. It was nice, but very scary. My heart isn't used to being able to just let go and be poly, as strange as that may sound.

Today is Tourist Day for us. I'm going to mass at the National Shrine to the Immaculate Conception at noon. He's interested in the mosaics and the architecture, so he'll look around while I do my mass thing. It'll give us both some good down time. Then we're going downtown. I'm assuming we'll end up doing a Smithsonian museum or 3, maybe a monument or 3, and we'll wander around to see the cherry blossoms.

I miss the Radical Faeries.

We're going to WiseGuy's house for dinner tomorrow night. I was promised tasty chicken.

I'm really worried about the NYC thing and I hope we can find a place for him to stay soon. (Live in NYC? Want to put up my lover for a few days? Drop me a line.)

Oh, and introduced winterroseasfr to Potbelly. Which was met with great acclaim. I'm like "Dude, I'm fat. Trust a fat chick to know good food." :-D

Oh, and one last thing. asciilifeform left a message for me on my phones last Saturday night while winterroseasfr and I were deep in hypnotic trance. I had meant to get back to him, but keep forgetting. I'm terribly sorry about blowing you off. I'm not sure what your message said, but I have a feeling it had to do with hanging out, and yes, we'd love to hang out with you and devvieish sometime soon.

Have I mentioned how cute he is when he's asleep? Yeah. :-D

Change of plans for going to NYC. I'm going to arrive later than I initially expected, due to the bliss I'm pursuing with winterroseasfr. (YAY! Look at me! For the first time in my life, I'm going out of my way to pursue my bliss! w00t!) :-) He's never had the chance to do the DC tourist thing, so we're going to be showing him around DC, etc. I am, in fact, coming up. The latest date for that is April 1st, as that's when I'm scheduled to go to dinner with my aunt and uncle.

That being said, winterroseasfr has never been to NYC and is jumping at the chance to go. As I figured that miscreeds probably wouldn't want both of us staying at his place (and if that's not true, let me know), I'm looking for someone to put him up with. He's good people, a kinkster and a Whovian and all that jazz, and I personally vouch for his awesomeness. Putting him up with nyghtowl would be optimal, as he's on a subway line and he's not all the way out in Long Island which is an hour ride and $8 one way to the city. As well as nyghtowl already knows him.

winterroseasfr made amazing time and is already on his way back. He's driving part of the way, sleeping along side of the road when he gets tired, and then continuing on his way.

And I can't sleep.

I've tried Sleepytime tea and a good fuzzy-wuzzy episode of Doctor Who (Love & Monsters, for those of you playing along at home). I've tried masturbating to orgasm. I've tried relaxing.

Nothing's working.

I wonder if I have any TylenolPM in the cabinet? At this point, a mild sedative might make the most sense.

Maybe I should bone up on his fetish FAQ files.

My aunt is putting out a book on how to have a successful art career. I did not know this. This is very cool. :-)

Have I mentioned how nice it is to have a side of my family that follows a path I don't have to apologize for, and that I can be cool with? Yeah. Sorta makes up for the other side of my family, which just makes me shake my head sadly.

My friend Brad is not a guybrarian. Or so he says. According to him.

I totally think he is one, as he's a guy and a librarian, but he prefers libratorr.

Anyway, I'm posting this to help him get Googlewhacked. Or quel'que chose.

In other news, I got real life Rickrolled yesterday. By WinterRose. You would have thought the orgasms I gave him were enough to spare me from this horrid fate. Apparently I was wrong.

NOONE IS SAFE!!!!!!

I miss winterroseasfr already. (Yeah, that's his scene name. Well, WinterRose is.)

The good news is, he's arriving here tomorrow night to spend time with me until I go up to NYC. (Don't tell him, but I'm going to see if I can convince him into coming, too. :-D)

I can hardly wait! (But I'll be a good girl and obey him. ;-) )

I also miss niyamas. I miss obeying Niy, too.

And I miss being under. And by under, I mean in hypnotic trance. There's something delicious and addictive about it, much like being in subspace.

Oh, and Winter totally honored me by letting me be the first person to do one of his major erotic kinks with him. And I'm totally honored and I feel so special about it. (I'll give more details if he lets me.) So, yeah, it was such a thing of beauty to help his very deep-set erotic needs/fantasies come true.

Oh, btw, I has phone nao. So you can start calling and txting my cell phone. Same old number.

Actually, please could you call my cell phone? I need to put everyone's numbers back in it. Thanks.

It's God knows how many hours later.

He's still here. He never left.

We had a *7* hour play session... one long scene. He's hypnotized me a number of times today, including for that scene. Where I was me and he played the Doctor. And we talked and talked and talked and had some crazy sex. I spent *7* hours being constantly hypnotized and re-hypnotized. By the Doctor himself. :-D

Hee. Just... HEE.

*giggle*

OH! And I convinced him to give me his cool-ass shirt for the Benevolent Order of Erotic Hypnotists and Mind Controllers. Here. You can haz image: